Why Everyone Wants To Have Sex With Vampires

"At some point we stopped wanting to slay vampires and started wanting to, ya know, brush our fingers across their glimmering torsos until our tender womanhood aches with the temptation." -Swaim

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http://www.cracked.com/video_18261_why-everyone-wants-to-have-sex-with-vampir...

Category:

• Comedy
• Entertainment

Tags:

• after hours
• swaim
• dob
• soren
• katie
• vampires
• twilight
• dracula
• blood sex

[MeasuringInLove]

I'm sorry, but Twilight is racist, sexist, homophobic, transgenderphobic, and just all around offensive. Also, the grammar is terrible and the main moral of the story is that sex is bad (yet all girls need a boyfriend). Personally, I cannot stand it.

Sincerely,

A Teenage Girl

[anythingfun13]

Your giving twilight way to much credit teenagers are into but have no Idea why the writing style was atrocious and she tried to use a deepened vocabularly but failed miserably and I have read them. Most of the girls I have talked to about the books just say they want to 'do Edward' or 'now that Bella's married Jaccobs theirs.' They want someone who would die or whatever they do for them. It's completely sad and inaproprate. It's a four book story about a mary sue who cant live without her man

[ArtypNk]

Over analyzed. That uptight Mormon woman just decided to write a book that would encourage people to wait until their married, and only then fuck. As religious ideas always do, it striked a cord with the stupidest people on the planet: teenage girls from the western world.

[jenniferthomas28]

I don't mind it when there are good vampires. But if they aren't sucking blood from innocent people then why do they need to angst about feeling the compulsion to do those things? People often feel the compulsion to do bad things, like stealing, but they don't do it because its wrong and they don't feel guilty just because they were tempted. Angsty people just annoy me -_-

[TheBestLegoMan]

Twilight sucks



[theEddieworld]

vampire's are demons so they shouldn't be trying to stop themselves from killing

[warmaker911]

@MeasuringInLove Also plagued with necrophilia

[JoshLouisRichards]

Twilight is just a teenage girls decision between necrophilia and beastiality.

[EdDeRs3]

speeking as a teenager (17) all those points about puberty and all that shit is absolute BS, so in the immortal words of D-Generation X: SUCK IT!

(or mabey i see it that way cos i live in the UK and the whole attitude to sex and that is nowere near as taboo as in the US)

[EdDeRs3]

i know why the Twilight "vampires" are sparkly, so that when Ashley J. Williams enters that part of the mulitverse (like he is bound to do) they make easy targets for the BoomStick

[EdDeRs3]

Being Human (UK) > Being Human (US) > a pile of shit > Twilight

[Maklarr2000]

They should take Gladstone's "Zinger" alarm and apply it here for whenever they make an obvious pun. It would take the edge off. As a side note, though I have said it dozens of times before, I would probably have a heart attack if I got to have lunch with the after hours gang. I'd be both thrilled and terrified- they're only some of the best comedians on the web today.