Published on Oct 30, 2012
DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report)—A new Mitt Romney is emerging in the closing days of the campaign, aides say: a man who is increasingly "being eaten alive with jealousy" by President Obama's budding relationship with New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie.
While Mr. Romney has told reporters that he is "totally fine" with Gov. Christie flying around in a helicopter with President Obama, privately he has told aides, "Seeing him with Chris Christie is tearing me apart."
The trouble began earlier this week, a Romney aide said, when Mr. Romney saw Mr. Christie on CNN mention that President Obama "had given him his number at the White House."
"Mitt was like, 'Fine, whatever, do we have to watch this?' and then basically ran out of the room," the aide said. "It was completely awkward."
Making matters worse, the aide said, "Chris Christie isn't returning his calls."
"Mitt was trying to explain his position on FEMA to reporters yesterday and he got all excited because his phone started vibrating," the aide said. "It turned out it was just Ann."
Mr. Romney, who has been seen doodling Chris Christie's name in the margins of his briefing books in recent days, has apparently decided on a new course of action: to make the New Jersey governor jealous.
"He's been calling [New York Governor Andrew] Cuomo," the aide said. "But Cuomo won't call him back either. It's all so sad."
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NJ Gov. Chris Christie was asked on Fox News when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was going to get some of the same benefits from the hurricane with a photo-op in disaster-stricken New Jersey towns:
"Over the last couple of months, you have appeared throughout the country, Governor, on behalf of Mitt Romney," "We hear that perhaps Mr. Romney may do some storm-related events. Is there any possibility that Gov. Romney may go to New Jersey to tour some of the damage with you?"
Gov. Christie replied:
"I have no idea, nor am I the least bit concerned or interested," Christie replied, immediately shutting down the idea. "I've got a job to do here in New Jersey that's much bigger than presidential politics and I could [sic] care less about any of that stuff."
"I have a job to do," "I've got 2.4 million people out of power, I've got devastation on the shore, I've got floods in the northern part of my state. If you think right now I give a damn about presidential politics then you don't know me."
To further dismay of Fox News, Gov. Christie took great pleasure to praise the President saying that Obama had helped "tremendously."
He went on to add:
"I spoke to the president three times yesterday," "He called me for the last time at midnight last night asking what he could do. I said, if you can expedite designating New Jersey as a major disaster area that that would help us to get federal money and resources in here as quickly as possible to help clean up the damage here."
"The president was great last night," "He said he would get it done. At 2 a.m., I got a call from FEMA to answer a couple of final questions and then he signed the declaration this morning. So I have to give the president great credit. He's been on the phone with me three times in the last 24 hours. He's been very attentive, and anything that I've asked for, he's gotten to me. So, I thank the president publicly for that. He's done — as far as I'm concerned — a great job for New Jersey."