Come to Staines

I've just heard on the news that Staines is going to be re-named ... I wonder why.

We've been told that this is a bit of an old joke, but whatever - it's still funny!!

Come to Staines

Want to live in a town that's as bad as it sounds? Come to shit Staines, and enjoy the lack of character, interest or purpose, where a night's entertainment consists of reminiscing about plane crash that happened nearly 40-years ago.

A middle-class area, with an aversion to diversity, come stubborn Staines.

Come to crap Staines, where culture isn't important and the most significant conveyer of the arts is a fictional character called Ali G.

Shit Staines, where it once had a fascinating fact; that it had the leading manufacture of lino flooring -- perfect for covering unsightly stains. Sadly this is no more.

Surrounded by so much water that you'd think the town planners were trying to wash away, the Staines.

A place of no significance, a dullard window-licker of a town, you'll love wank Staines.

Staines; if it were to disappear tomorrow, no-one would notice.


Music: Paul
Camera: Andy
Script: both of us
Voice: Andy

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• crap
• towns
• UK
• shit
• hole
• boring
• dull
• places
• to
• live
• Staines
• Middlesex
• England
• comedy
• gardenspoon
• spoof
• tourist
• information
• g4rdenspoon
• funny
• travel

[sonnyboy1069]

People say stains is a shit hole well.I say that stains aint got shit on leigh park in portsmouth. LOL

[g4rdenspoon]

@sonnyboy1069 I'd agree with that, I must get down there and film the place. :)

[sonnyboy1069]

@g4rdenspoon oh god its such a depressing little realm.a vid of the place would be so funny but i beg you. please dont stay any longer then you have to. because it could affect your mentle state im going to sub you by the way, good job : )

[g4rdenspoon]

@sonnyboy1069 I've been to Portsmouth quite a bit, and it has been part of my plan to add it to the 'come to...' series. Thanks very much. :)

[loubailey90]

staines is my home town, i know its shit but i bloody love it!

[g4rdenspoon]

@loubailey90 I love my home too, and in honesty it is worse. Thanks. :)

[og87]

Nice Poem! Love The Dubstep Beats! Can You Do One About Chertsey?

[AceDubsteP]

ur hilarious

[seoighe2k9]

its a pity the riots didnt hit staines ye cunts

[g4rdenspoon]

@Danny77uk It's not bad, but it is very dull and characterless. Yes, the music I make is quite deliberately cheesy :)