Scrapbooking hearts

After chemotherapy my body was having minor hot flashes as well as my period was sporatic at times missing a month to having my period twice a month. The doctor told me that chemotherapy often causes women o go into early menopause. He told me that it also meant that I would not be able to get pregnant. For years my husband and I did not use protection and the doctor seemed to be right.

Steve and I were struggling in our marriage to the point that I asked him to move out for awhile. The following Sunday when I was praying my spirit heard I am going to teach you to love your husband that like a child in your womb. I found it to be a confusing statement and at best I thought what it was like when I had my two children. I prepared a place for them. Planned for them and thought of ways that I could better their lives. My love was unconditional and my belief in them was strong. With no sarcasm in my heart I thought it would take God to help me to see Steve like that.

To my surprise I would find out a month later that I was three months pregnant when I heard those words. Steve was moved back in but my heart was still very bitter towards him. Now I am being told that I am with child. I called my doctor with the good news and was shocked to hear them suggest I abort the child. They said that the child would be likely deformed and that my body was not strong enough to carry a child. First thing I thought of was the words that I heard that day, "I am going to teach you to love your husband that like a child in your womb." From that point on as the child grew in me my love for Steve was growing. There was not a time that the baby would move that I did not think of my husband.

The pregnancy did takes it toll on my body. I was in bed for most of the last four months. Unable to do stairs easily. It was the children who had to come down to me to get their kiss goodnight.

Knowing now that God knew that my husband and I would divorce I have come to understand why he wanted me to fall in love with my husband again. It was for me that he did that. One reason being that God knew that if my bitterness and unforgiveness was the reason the guilt would have destroyed me now knowing what happened to our children after the divorce. He knew that I would need to know that I did forgive and even love him as I should.

The baby was given a name. Her name was Nicole Sharie. She is turning 13 in 11 days. I want give her the world. I want to hold her hand. I want to be her mom for as long as I can. I want to live every moment until that day comes. I want to show her what it means to be loved.

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[Imhisdaughter]

Awww Ellie this is so beautiful!!! Nicole Happy Birthday Sweetie! Awesome job there Momma!!