ANXIETY ABROAD

copyright 2012 Lisa B. Falour, B.S., M.B.A. all rights reserved LISA, INC. (EURL) cutecatfaith.com

I was on Cortisone needlessly for over a decade and it really messed me up. I started having a lot of free-floating anxiety issues and other problems, which I now know are classic bad effects of Cortisone. I am also losing my eyesight, which had been perfect before and the destruction of Cortisone on the eyes is a known syndrome, always spotted immediately here by eye doctors when I go for checkups and treatments and to learn how to be blind. I had been mis-diagnosed as having Lupus after getting a polio vaccine in 1963. My father, who had medical training, was opposed to the treatment but my mother steamrolled him, so I had pills every few hours for about a decade -- for nothing. A hormone shot, a pill, a drink, were her solutions to everything. Like many Americans, both she and my father took a lot of amphetamines, starting in the 1960s. She went to a shady doctor named Zeit in Akron, Ohio -- the place was so bad, that was one place she never took my brother and me (I was usually left to babysit or we had a sitter hired). My father would come home and anxiously ask, "Did you get the pep pills?" Even in NYC years later I met drug fiends who knew of Dr. Zeit in Akron. He was a notorious script croaker. In NY, I was encouraged by my first lover there to see a Dr. Jablons who could crack scripts for Didrex or Desoxyn. He and his old wife smelled strongly of urine, he was very elderly and I have no idea why he was still allowed to practice and steer people to a certain pharmacist, and he received people in his ground floor apartment in Manhattan and didn't even have a real office anymore, and I quickly got scared of the whole thing. The black market rate for speed was two dollars per pill for years, and a lot of us in the '70s who couldn't afford to eat used these things to avoid hunger. A lot of the punk music movement is speed-motivated, I mean was, and I think a lot of Nazi atrocities were committed under the influence of amphetamines. They pretty much invented them. In Italy, where I studied in 1981, a single brown and clear pill could get me a free night in a hotel. Italians are notoriously druggy, I have always found!

My way of forcing myself to function no matter what by discipline might not work for you, but I also found saying the Lord's Prayer aloud daily helpful. I am currently not on any meds except for my failing vision (eye drops) and a destroyed esophagus (two types of pills in low doses). The pain is horrendous (I have scoliosis and other problems) but I prefer to just treat myself with cold water (Kniepp method) and get out there and do things best I can. Some days I really can't walk, so it is a struggle. I think many of us need rest cures and "three hots and a cot" and talk therapies for awhile, but for myself, I just couldn't have any feeling of dignity were I to remain in a cocoon.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• anxiety
• abroad
• expat
• immigrant
• Lisa
• Falour
• mental
• illness
• pain
• Cortisone
• blind
• handicap
• work
• relocation
• cute
• cat
• faith
• prayer
• angoisse
• chrétien
• travail
• maladie
• Lupus
• SLE
• advice
• consultant
• Paris
• France
• French
• Saint-Denis
• Kniepp
• stress
• post
• traumatic
• disorder
• help

[tess2626]

Appreciate your honesty.

[slobomotion]

@tess2626 Thanks, I have no monetary agendas here on YT and try to keep my comments real.  I am quite alone so any agendas I might have are quite in the air. I sure am blunt often, eh? I've been called an attention whore but why don't they just call me a whore, ha ha? xo

[traitorsbeware]

I enjoyed listening to this, to hear how you overcame some challenges.

[slobomotion]

@traitorsbeware Thank you. I am struck by how I am surprised and unable to calculate how many years went by. This was somewhat of a VR to xxsullengirlXX, who blocked me recently for some comments on dealing with anxiety. Many young people do not want to hear they need a backbone and many older ones the same. We do need to be cradled for awhile but if it goes on and on, we lose our dignity. I totally believe some serious time out may be needed for many!

[ParkerBe23]

you had to sleep on the floor for ten years! hunny you shuda kicked that man to the curb!

[slobomotion]

@ParkerBe23 He was fantastic in bed, not that we had one, hee hee! Like most men, he got bored in middle age and dropped off, so I have to find other fish to fry. If a guy can't get it up, I have no use for him. Raw as that may seem, but I have German blood and we women of that type need a daily poke or three.

[CuteCatFaith]

@ChristianChannel1 Thanks! If you resonate with nature, all the better. You will appreciate "ordinary" indoor stuff better. I am Adept and used to conjure demons. I force the hand of chance. I didn't do it capriciously. Knowing the dark side of things to me meant realizing there is white, black and grey in everything. I lend you an angel for a few minutes now to give you a fortuitous moment today! Then, I free the angel to carry on with its day! xo

[slobomotion]

@araya1 The "trailing spouse" syndrome is well documented. It's usually women and they don't realize they will never see their friends and family again, the spouse will tire of them and they will end up totally alone, as I am (still married but he is waiting for me to die). It's even worse when children are involved. French/American marriages almost never work, BTW. I have seen this for about 30 years now.

[slobomotion]

@Frequencitee The thing which strikes me for this video is realizing the grind over the years. There are seldom any quick solutions to life's travails. We need backbone, discipline, and to be organized daily. It just goes on and on and seems crushing and so hopeless, often. I am not sure how I could have stood up better to harsh circumstances in the past. Here or in the States. Me and the millstone ... you too. Arrgh.

[slobomotion]

@Frequencitee The thing which strikes me for this video is realizing the grind over the years. There are seldom any quick solutions to life's travails. We need backbone, discipline, and to be organized daily. It just goes on and on and seems crushing and so hopeless, often. I am not sure how I could have stood up better to harsh circumstances in the past. Here or in the States. Me and the millstone ... you too. Arrgh.

[slobomotion]

@Frequencitee Prayer worked for me for a long time but in general I don't find it proactive. I remember coming home from 20-hour days, no time to sleep, and standing there half dead and calmly preparing a meal for my spouse.  He never thought to say, oh, I will go take out something. As rotten as all this has been, I still consider it a growing experience for me. If I feel better after lunch today we will go see more art in Paris, which is a consolation! xo

[slobomotion]

@modoc42 Thanks, this turned out to be a stressful day. I got called a kvetcher by friends and family back in the States when I told them the truth about my trials here but they couldn't walk a mile in my shoes. Ultimately, my expatriation was a good thing but I think a lot of people think it's going to be a cakewalk. Bless ya!