Ask Victoria: Viewer Topic: My Alcoholic Husband and I

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Tina wrote in about her husband who is an alcoholic who has graduated from beer to hard liquor and who persists in berating her and humiliating her. They have been married for 5 years and they have a 22 month old daughter and she does not want her growing up in that environment. She wants to know if her instinct to leave is premature.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• marriage
• alcoholism
• addiction
• enabling
• abuse
• conflict
• adult
• children

[TargetGuy2245]

I came from an alcoholic family and have no mercy on drunks or enablers. Fuck 'em all.

[shockthesky]

perhaps this woman needs to separate,for a while, but divorce? I dont' think that's necessary. People in our culture are too quick to divorce. It's Better or WORSE , Sick or Healthy, Rich or Poor - i.e. that's no way but death out of a marriage..... That's the covenant you agree to when you get married.

[Geszelda]

Women with BABY vs alcoholic!!!!??? HELLO?!

Im sorry maybe this is too plane for me to see, I have a mother thats been married 3 times. She second was an alcoholic and still is. My brother went through HELL!! My brother asked his mom at 6 yrs old "Mommy why doesnt daddy LOVE ME?". I know this lady has got to have a heart of gold but really its sounds like she has been hit enough times she cant see past her nose. Got news for you my mother is the same way 90% of the time i hate her.

.

[twinklecatz]

@TargetGuy2245 AMEN!

[tghori2]

@hunthorn thank you. :o) God bless you too.

[TargetGuy2245]

She's a fucking enabler! A co-dependent loser! Like a beaten dog she still loves him! She loves him more than her own kids.

[cvhf650]

victoria you have beautiful hair. thanks for helping people

[menderfire9]

karrawa makes some good points.Both spouses likely come from disturbed families and we don't know anything about this relationship so we have no right to assess & over-react to her situation. Playing big with people's lives is dangerous business, getting all the facts is only fair before doling out advice to desperate people. And there is never only one solution to domestic problems.AlAnon is only a small part.Get into ACOA. Seminars, Art therapy. Service work, bring your kid along.

[menderfire9]

Living beyond addiction: Leaving or staying you need a solid/sane game plan that will not get you into the same situation that is hurting you & your child now: Look deeply into ALL of the reasons that you entered, or attracted & accepted this kind relationship in the first place? Make a list of ALL of the needs you felt he would meet. These are your vulnerabilities. WHEREVER you wake up in the morning these will be your downfall so start filling these needs YOURSELF NOW with recovery books etc

[karrawa]

1.The alcoholic husband is probably from the same type "child of broken family" you empathise with.

2.Men should realise thei capacity and not take on marital responsibility they cannot. Forget the chivalry. This guy should be empathised with as a guy who grew up in a disturbed family. He needs more than AA.. He needs love.

3.Good that the woman should leave.. I empathise with her situation.

4.Women should take responsiblity for their own lives and not depend on men to make them feel better.