Advice on Dying, Advice on Death and Advice for the Terminally Ill

TheCheckoutLine is the first of its kind: a daily advice column for the dying and, as important, for those close to them. A chance to re-arrange the future.
As luck would have it, we are the only creatures on earth who have complete awareness of the brevity of life, and what happens when that life draws to a close. What we do with that knowledge is what makes us extraordinary.

These days dying can be a lengthy, drawn-out event that might take months or years. In most instances this extra time is a bonus. It gives the dying time to make certain decisions critical to their own well-being and that of those they love. I call this process controlling destiny because that is what it does.

The extra time also gives relatives and friends of the dying a chance to exert control. Recognizing that someone you love is dying a parent, spouse, sibling, co-worker or dear friend allows you to alter relationships in ways that would have once seemed inconceivable. You cant change the past. But you can patch up longstanding quarrels. You can perform small chores.

Above all, you can listen. This is a gift which the dying want most, and dont often get. I happen to be a professional listener, a longtime journalist for Vanity Fair magazine, who also works as a hospice volunteer. And I want to hear your questions. In return I will provide — every weekday — clear common sense advice. Im in contact with medical specialists, lawyers, hospice workers, the critically ill and the healthy.

Changes in wills, loneliness, pain, spousal resentment, fear, denial bring it all on. (You dont have to give your real name when you click on the envelope icon at the top.)

We are all standing on The Checkout Line, the only place nobody tries to push his way to the front. If youre already there or you know someone who is then ask.

No one should go without answers.

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• advice
• death
• dying
• terminal
• ill
• cancer
• sick