Tuli Kupferberg You Can't Go To Heaven 1982

Tuli discusses the sorry state of American journalism in a parasong to the familiar folk tune, "You Can't Get to Heaven." From Paper Tiger TV, 1982

Oh You can't go to heaven on Rolling Stone, on Rollling Stone,




You'll roll right by God's microphone, God's microphone
No you can't go to heaven on Rolling Stone,
You'll roll right by God's microphone
Don't want no jive ass rock stars there
Oh you can't go to heaven with the Villlage Voice, the Village Voice
Well you could go once but you lost your choice, you lost your choice
You could go once but you took your choice, you can't go to heaven with the Villlage Voice
Don't want no jaded hippies there.
Oh you can't go to heaven with the New York Post, the New York Post
You won't get by dull Dorothy's ghost, dull Dorothy's ghost
You can't get to heaven with the New York Post
You won't get by Bill Bryant's ghost
Don't want no murder mongers there
Oh you can't get to heaven on any fanzines, on any fanzines
They're dull for adults, they're fine for teens, they're nice for teens
You can't go to heaven on any fanzines, they're full of gas cause they're full of beans,
Don't want no frontal juvenilia there
Oh you can't go to heaven with the Daily News, the Daily News
Though they love the Irish and the Jews, they love the Jews,
You can't go to heaven with the Daily News, they sure got the ads, where the hell is the news?
Don't want no simple sidebars there.
Oh you can't go to heaven in Time Magazine, in Time Magazine,
They're CIA, they're awful mean, they're awful mean,
You can't go to heaven on Time Magazine, they're Wall Street money, they're squeaky clean,
Don't want no Harvard yardbirds there.
Oh you can't go to heaven in TV Guide, in TV Guide
They're working for the other side, the other side.
You can't go to heaven with TV Guide, don't you got no Goddam pride,
Don't want no electronic zombies there.
Oh you'll have to go to heaven with the New York Times, the New York Times
In spite of their ?? , inspite of their crimes.
Oh, you'll have to go to heaven with the New York Times, alas, the best paper of our times.
There ain't no choice, you'll have to go.
I'd go to hell first.

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