Adductor Longus (The Dan Carter Song)

After the antiperspirants and the breakfast cereals, it seems the only thing the All Blacks are truly lacking is an Official Accordionist...

There's sadness in our pumping fists
Our anthems and our cheering
There's tragedy within our midst
And since no one's volunteering
I'll take it for the team, be a patriotic martyr
I'll help to stretch your groin, Dan Carter

Dear sir, I am no hooker, no loosehead prop, no dummy
But I've seen your swelling quadriceps and I think you're rather scrum-my
But nobody's lent a hand, Dan
No one's being nice
No one understands that every captain's got his vice
I'll massage your adductor with scented oils
-I mean ice -
Yes, I'll take it for the team, every half and every quarter
And help you stretch your groin, Dan Carter

Hear me, please take me seriously
Dear Daniel, please don't mock me
After all, not like I haven't seen
You a-flexing in your Jockeys
Every dark cloud has a silver
lining so I hear
And now the climax of forbidden dreams is drawing near
Of at least every female in the Southern Hemisphere
Move over Graham Henry, no one will make you
-I mean train you. TRAIN you -
harder
I'll help to stretch your groin, Dan Carter

Ka mate! ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!
Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru
Hot buttered slice of Ma'a Nonu
Woodcock, Whitelock, Vito, Afoa
Kaino, Cowan, Thorn, Thomson, Dagg, Mealamu
Franks, Franks, Williams squared, and Weepu
Kahui, Guildford, Boric, Flynn
Jane, Slade, Smith, Hore, take us to the win
Ellis, Read, Toeava, Muliaina
and the silky, silky cap of Richie McCaw

Danny, don't lose your self-esteem
We've got a team in the height of health and wellness
Through cruel fate you're now a spectator
And though we sure could use your pelvis
Lean a little closer
Mr. Carter I implore
I'll feed you lots of protein and I'll tell you how to score
You've kicked a thousand balls and you will kick a thousand more
No hard feelings Aaron Cruden, no hard feelings Manawat...er
I'll help to stretch your groin
Help to stretch your groin
Help to stretch your groin, Dan Carter

Dan d-d-Dan d-Dan d-Dan Dan Dan Dan
(I'll stretch your groin)
Dan d-d-Dan d-Dan d-Dan Dan Dan Dan
(Your fiery loin)
Dan d-d-Dan d-Dan d-Dan Dan Dan Dan
(from Christchurch to Des Moines)
Dan d-d-Dan d-Dan d-Dan Dan Dan Dan
(Sonny Bill can join)
Dan d-d-Dan d-Dan d-Dan Dan Dan Dan
I'll stretch your groin!

Kua whakahaere a Elvis i te whare
(Elvis has left the building)

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• Dan Carter
• Rugby World Cup 2011
• All Blacks
• accordion
• New Zealand
• adductor longus

[Chamealea]

Still loving it. This doesn't get old. When can we expect the next work of art? :-)

[suzwein]

Emma, you're amazing!!!

<3 Suzanne (you're neighbor)

[ahorrell]

Genius. 

[Kiwirichdubai]

Excellent - even Elvis gets a mention. Was he one of the RWC referees? Aaron Cruden could do with a bit of tender stretching. 

[Sarachan84]

You are absolutely and unquestionably a genius... :)

[TORYSsTORYS]

Can we have a copy of the lyrics posted here please?

[libbyk8]

Haha, Emma, you are classic. ;p  I hope he watches...

[Minoguemy]

I hate rugby but I totally love this, for me this is the best thing to come from the rugby world cup.

[NicholasSando]

This is amazing. Good job.

[judysingletary1]

Soooo clever! being from the midwest of North America, I only understand half the words and a third of the references... but it's catchy and fabulous to see you in prime time.