How I Allegedly Bit a Man in Gloucestershire (Song by Brandon Patton aka BL4k Lotus)

A live recording from the album of the same name, How I Allegedly Bit a Man in Gloucestershire (2011).
For more information, visit http://www.brandonpatton.com

Lyrics:

One summer I made plans to fly to England, see some bands
And hang out with musicians that I knew
I was warned that it would rain a lot
And everything would cost a lot
And everyone would have atrocious teeth
All three were true
I went with my friend Joe to buy provisions for the show
The exchange rate there made me feel so poor
But I needed drink, that much was clear,
and the concert would have marked-up beer
and then I saw some box wine at the store

Now this is a cautionary tale, so whenever you hear the words BOX WINE,
I need you all to shout "BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?"
Let's practice.
So I thought to myself, brilliant! I'll plan ahead - I'll buy my own liquor,
Some BOX WINE!
"BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?"
Now listen, I was on a very tight budget. And the thing about BOX WINE is
"BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?"
It Is effective but it's also very economical.

I smuggled my cheap liquor through the gates and then made my big mistake:
I got separated from my friends
So I wandered round without my mates, my destiny left to the fates,
A stranger at a festival in England
With only one thing to comfort my jet lagged, addled mind...BOX WINE.
"BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?"
Perhaps.

I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MY...
I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF. OH...

Uninspired by metal rage I went to the acoustic stage
And there was Danny Wilson singing in the tent
And he sang "I still believe in you do you still believe in me too"
And I felt I knew exactly what he meant
I thought about a girl that I had loved back in my twenties
Who let me know that she was losing faith in me
By having an affair quite publicly at parties
I wasn't there but friends who were alerted me

That was a time I could relate to heavy metal rage...
I couldn't sleep, I paced in my apartment
With visions in my head of killing both of them in bed

I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MY...
I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF. OH...

I wanted to obliterate the past, obliterate all thought
I couldn't bear the memory so obliterated is exactly what I got
As I drank every last drop of my beloved BOX WINE
"BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?"
Perhaps.

For allegedly I befriended very nasty people
Made them my new best friends, tried to make them laugh
Allegedly I was shouting, then fell on my face,
And grabbed some homophobic tough guy's leg and I bit him on the calf

Allegedly he punched me
Allegedly a knife
Then Joe was there, and he gripped me, and probably saved my life
His artist and musician friends came and formed a shield
I stumbled to one side, and ran across the field

So if you've ever been an ass, embarrassed all your friends,
Or put their lives in danger
If you've ever been a jerk, especially if you've ever drunk BOX WINE
"BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?"
And even more especially if you've ever bitten a total stranger
you must join me on the chorus of this song and be the choir
this song is an apology of sorts
and it goes like this

I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MY...
I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF, I WAS NOT MYSELF. OH...

Category:

Music

Tags:

• Song
• Brandon Patton aka BL4k Lotus
• Black Lotus
• Blak Lotus
• Indie music
• MC Frontalot
• I Was Not Myself
• Danny Wilson
• A Cautionary Tale
• box wine are you daft?

[bl4klotus]

Thanx everybody. Yeah, that heckler was a drag, Porgy29. Kind of fun messing with her though.

[simopen]

That really was great! She was so drunk.

[porgy29]

loved you at your show in Cambridge and how you dealt with the "heckler" who was there.

[icebratrpg]

Enjoyed this song once again in Chicago at the Abbey Pub after also hitting Ronny's Bar in Chicago... Both times, I couldn't help but put on a fake British accent for the "BOX WINE!!! ARE YOU DAFT?" participation. lol

[ARISUinW0NDERLAND]

Saw you at the Frontalot show in Ann Arbor last night. I couldn't get this out of my head and I had to look it up.

[122172639]

This is smooth! Great performance! Glad Mike linked you on his tour video! Upload more (please)!