GEORGE ROSTOV - "Dirty in the darkroom"

Much-maligned shirtlifting songsmith George Rostov caught reading the poem that, at his now-legendary appearance at Teenage Tears, caused several geriatric and incontinent members of the audience to riot like BNP bullies at a Nazi rally. 'The Darkroom' was winner of the 2007 'Write A Poem About Fisting' competition (whilst - please note - Pam Ayres' 'Up To The Elbow' came a meek third), and is used frequently by Rostov to open his live shows, invariably much to the horror of the party of W.I. spinsters in the front row (Rostov is famed amongst the literary saloons of Soho for leaving a bitter taste in the mouth - though he claims the doctors at the Center For Venereal Disease are currently probing into the matter).

Taken from his magnum opus, 'PORNO MAGS AND DESPERATE DADS', available at www.lulu.com

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