To Help, or NOT to Help...

After experiencing the yo-yo diet spiral into obesity, are you a better friend to try and help a yo-yo'er stop so they don't have to go through what you went through or do you let them find their own path?

Category:

Education

Tags:

• weight
• loss
• surgery
• gain
• fitness
• health
• wls
• rny
• roux-en
• gastric
• bypass
• bariatric
• diet
• lap
• band
• lapband
• duodenal
• switch
• yo-yo
• dieting
• vertical
• sleeve

[kkimberly2004]

I always remember what someone once told me, we are where we are in life based on the decisions WE made. It's very difficult to watch someone struggle period, not alone something you have experienced and finally figured out the answer. whew! Everyone has their own journey to go through in life and we arrive at difficult places at different times. They see your success, I would wait until I was asked for advice and I would simply live by example.

[BeTheBestMe]

@kkimberly2004 Very good advice!

[kerrydietrich]

Anyone who tried to "help" me was never in my pre-op position a day in their life, so there was no relating. If I had "help" from someone who had gone through something similar surgery or not I think I would have been responsive. I actually had a neighbor in my condo building ask about my surgery after accidentally mentioning it. We met for coffee to talk about the details. People don't always know they have options, unless they receive knowledge/advice. But it is a thin line for sure.

[BeTheBestMe]

@kerrydietrich True, well said, a very thin line. Hopefully the discussion lines will open and she will be able to have the same success I had before she has the same serious health issues. Thank you!

[HealthSeekerNot2Late]

If the friend wants help, she may ask for it when the time is right for her. Weight is a sensitive subject for someone who is struggling. She may not be receptive to your good intention of helping her.

[BeTheBestMe]

@HealthSeekerNot2Late I agree, good advice!

[crzywhtgyrl131]

i dont know if it is something that might help but on my facebook, i have told everything i wrote notes and status's about it... well i have friends that are over weight, but i have one person i went to highschool with who is like i was obese. and i simply sent her the video someone made called im worth it. I think thats what it was called but its about this. i talk with alot of people i see overweight when they say how gd i look i tell them they could do it to. i dont think its a bad thing.

[CandiisSweetEnough]

Actually,there is really nothing that you can do. The more that people comment on what you eat, the more you want to eat it. My mother in law that attacked me CONSTANTLY. I would sneak out and eat horrible stuff because even if I was eating healthy, she would watch me like a hawk. People have to hit their own brick wall to be able to do something about it. The only way you could help is maybe start a conversation that has nothing to do with her, but talking about your struggles. Maybe the hint?

[2BMYBEST4ME]

Just live by being an example. More is said with your actions ever than with words. One kind action is worth a thousand words.

[DreamyJeanne1]

I liked what I just heard in a video "you can't do this alone, but no one can do it for you" If they ask questions of you, then tell them. BUT they have to learn it themselves. I have a person in my 4 person department with the same surgery for a longer period of time. I succeeded, and she did not, and me 'helping' caused problems.

[MsLullysWorld]

This is a very sensitive topic. I would say.... Wait.... Wait until they come and talk to u about weight gain/loss/surgery..... U know how sensitive u were when u were unhealthy. I sometimes got mad at people who came to em to talk about it. Maybe create the opportunity.... Talk about ur experience, and start talking about u and see how they react. If they r open to talk about it.... Tell them how u felt when people came and talked to u, and say how much u understand now. Tell them if they eve

[Skyreader1]

Life style changes are not easy for anyone nor is having WLS. Try to remember that at one time you were that person that digusts you with their eating. There are many reasons. Remember regardless of what this person looks like they have feelings too and yes, you may want to help them in the worst way and are tempted to say something, but before you do think and ask God to put the right words in your mouth or keep it shut. You mean well, but until that person is ready just be a friend.

[Skyreader1]

It wasn't until my WLS that I found out I had cancer and the surgeon instead of calling in an oncologist performed the RNY on me any way leaving me only months away from dying because he the WLS surgeon was greedy and saw fat people as productivity numbers instead of human beings.

[Skyreader1]

Sometimes its better left unsaid. They are fully aware of what they are doing and what they look like. Those of us who were in your friends shoes don't need reminded. Not everyone gains weight for the same reasons, healthy or not. A lot of times it is a coping mechanism or a protective barrier they have put between themselves and the world. If they want help they will ask. They are aware of what they are doing and what they look like. Be a friend, keep them in your prayers & let go & let God.

[AmySDMOM]

Tell him or her your story and let them take from it what they want.