Christmas Week In Tinned Foods (The Ballad of Chardonnay) - The L.C. Tanner Band

(Thorpe)

It was Christmas week in tinned foods
Dave was stacking shelves
wishing, like Santa,
he had a team of elves
when suddenly he saw her
in the aisle across the way
the tall and shapely vision
of the lovely Chardonnay

He almost dropped his carrots
and his heart began to pound
he had no idea who she was
'til he asked around
it turned out she was in underwear
and started work that day
"That's what I want for Christmas" he thought
"Lovely Chardonnay"

Christmas week in tinned foods
got better everyday
as Dave imagined Christmas
with the lovely Chardonnay

Her eyes were blue as opals
and her hair was burnished gold
her legs went on forever
she was twenty two years old
and when his break-time came around
Dave couldn't wait to go
down to ladies underwear to try to say hello

He almost bumped right into her
and fixed her with a smile
she seemed to look straight through him
and then strode off down the aisle
his legs were almost shaking
as he watched her walk away
"That's what I want for Christmas" he thought
"Lovely Chardonnay"

Christmas week in tinned foods
got better everyday
as Dave imagined Christmas
with the lovely Chardonnay

Next day he tried again
and she ignored him with a glare
that would have done for the Titanic
had the poor old thing been there
at break, he tried to treat her
to a coffee and a scone
she said

"The company consider it inappropriate for trainee management executives to fraternize socially with the stock control and display operatives."

So he bought himself a cup of tea
and drunk it on his own

Next day he tried to break the ice
by dropping to one knee
and holding up a sign proclaiming
"Buy one, get one free"
If looks could kill
he never would have seen another day
then he started having doubts
about the well chilled Chardonnay

Christmas week in tinned foods
got stranger everyday
as Dave considered Christmas
with the chilly Chardonnay

He watched the way she strutted
and he heard the way she'd purr
how she used the worker's surnames
and called the bosses "Sir"
maybe Chardonnay thought Dave
a name with far too little snap
perhaps the ought to change it
to 'Chateau Neuve du Pape'
beauty is all well and good
but hair and legs apart
Chardonnay had cold steel
where she should have had a heart
so Dave paired with with Jill instead
from DVDs and Games
had a really t'riffic Christmas
and I hope you have the same

Christmas week in tinned foods
got better at the end
Dave got two new DVDs
and one new lady friend
he got another present too
the one that really capped it
and Jill was nice enough
to let him watch while she unwrapped it

http://www.tony-thorpe.co.uk

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