Gaslighting and Ambient Abuse

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Ambient abuse is the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves, until it is too late. Ambient abuse penetrates and permeates everything -- but is difficult to pinpoint and identify. It is ambiguous, atmospheric, diffuse. Hence its insidious and pernicious effects. It is by far the most dangerous kind of abuse there is. It is the outcome of fear -- fear of violence, fear of the unknown, fear of the unpredictable, the capricious, and the arbitrary. It is perpetrated by dropping subtle hints, by disorienting, by constant -- and unnecessary -- lying, by persistent doubting and demeaning, and by inspiring an air of unmitigated gloom and doom ("gaslighting"). (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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• gaslighting
• ambient abuse
• relationships
• harassment
• stalking
• battering
• domestic violence
• victim
• survivor
• abuser
• narcissist
• offender
• psychopath
• family violence

[tammymism]

Did you coin the term "ambient abuse"?

[samvaknin]

@tammymism Yes, I did. I thought I also coined "gaslighting" in 1995, but now I am not so sure.

[tammymism]

@samvaknin Cool. I'm going to buy your book. As for gaslighting, I know there is an old movie with that title, which some on the internet point to as an example of a type of abuse, but I haven't seen it, so I don't know if they are correct. Thanks!

[samvaknin]

@tammymism I saw the movie and then invented - or thought I had invented - the term gaslighting. Apparently other people had the same idea. Anyhow: the movie is available online for free (for instance in archive dot org).

[samvaknin]

Great insight. Thank you.

[mysweetangelbunny]

One more technique used by the narcissist and his proxies: anchoring. He takes particular perverse pleasure in trying to associate a stimulus such as gestures, sounds etc. with a negative reinforcement. He enjoys the 'power' he derives from the atmosphere of dread and anticipation he instills in the victim from a mere every day gesture. If the victim calls his bluff he gaslights her, tell her she is imagining things. He thinks his Machiavellian traits are a sign of intellectual superiority.

[mysweetangelbunny]

Your clips are excellent. I think one thing that can be added in the internet age is that the narcissist employs the internet to slander and socially engineer punishment for the victim. This is a very powerful and dangerous tool which can destroy a victim's life. Psychiatrists need to be aware of the internet and technologies such as hacking, using mobile phones for GPS, cyberstalking, harassment by strangers, street theater etc which are the modern tools twisted to suit their purposes.

[MsCartman74]

@lovemyselfforever86 yeah unfortunately life isn't a movie. I think though, to anyone still dealing with one, that the drug analogy works well. Getting rid of a narcissist is wonderful. It's like being a miserable alcoholic and then finally finding sobriety. You wake wondering why the heck you bothered dealing with this pathetic jerk so long, and suddenly they seem very small. And you realize their importance to you was always just another illusion, another facet of their disorder.

[MsCartman74]

@HolyBreeze37 There is no good reason on earth to have any interaction with a narcissist, ever. They are extremely toxic, they will simply behave always and only according the principle of self-interest, and always and only to the detriment of anyone around them. No action or behavior is ever done by them except to maximize their self-interest, and any interpretation of their behavior contrary to this maxim is a mistake. Don't drink the Kool-Aid. Good luck:)

[MsCartman74]

@HolyBreeze37 And what keeps people involved with them is the mistaken belief that there is a core self in there somewhere. There isn't. That's the definition of the disorder/evil. It's not that they care only about themselves, caring about themselves is WHO they are. Period. They are always looking into a mirror, they only see others in relation to themselves, and they don't actually "exist." That's why being around one long enough you feel like they are literally draining you.

[MsCartman74]

@HolyBreeze37 Narcissists are like a drug, it's easy to get sucked into their "reality," so counseling is like detoxing/withdrawl. But honestly I was confused/fooled for a long time until I grasped and accepted one simple concept. It's not that narcissists love themselves, but rather that they ARE self-love. Where in healthy people love of self is a positive component of a total personality, a narcissist has no core self to love, self-love IS their personality. They're completely out of balance.

[lovemyselfforever86]

@MsCartman74 true and ironically, my brother who is a narc is an actor, no wonder

[lovemyselfforever86]

@MsCartman74 I wish i would have never let him in, your comments are correct.

[lovemyselfforever86]

@mysweetangelbunny Exactly...they are evil to core.

[HolyBreeze37]

@MsCartman74 would be good if there were specialist councelors for victims of the narcissist. Thanks for your comments, it's helped understand now I have to accept.

[MsCartman74]

@SovereignBeing all the reasons to keep them in my life were garbage. Created by the abuser or created because of the nature of the relationship. In the end, it's all garbage from the mind of a mentally ill person. The truth is they have no right to treat people the way they do, and no amount of rationalization changes that fact. They aren't superior, they only convince others they are inferior. Once I saw that, I realized what a load of crap I'd been swallowing. Good luck:)

[MsCartman74]

@SovereignBeing Removing them from your life no matter how painful it may seem and no matter what role they play is worth it. There's no justifiable reason to have a connection to anyone who is poison. They're broken and they can't be fixed, but once I managed to realize this and realized I was the only one suffering while providing a source of pleasure to the abuser and they weren't changing and never would, I realized removing them was the ONLY option.