Barbara the Manatee and Robert the Penguin

This is the story about Barbara the manatee.

Once long, long ago, in a lake far, far away, full of pixie dust and magic, there was a baby manatee named Barbara. This baby manatee was the most beautiful and ugly of all manatees; for it was skinny.

Manatees don't like skinny manatees; in fact, most of the time they decapitate them and stake their heads by the shores of the river just to make sure no other thin manatees intrude.

Well Barbara the manatee was able to get away with it because they all needed at least one thin chick to make fun of and point at. So, one day Barbara the manatee got so upset about her thinness that she jumped onto the river and slithered away. Into the forest she slithered, far, far away, and finally she realized,

"Why am I slithering? I'm a manatee."

So then she began to fly.

As she was flying through the skies of Texas she met a small penguin named Robert. Robert the penguin was a crack dealer, and asked if Barbara the manatee would like to buy some tasty, tasty crack.

But, she said no because she was on a journey to find her flub and crack just makes you thinner. The penguin, Robert, was so touched by her tale of fat that he decided to join her. So Robert the penguin and Barbara the manatee set off on their new journey to regain her lost fat.

Soon they came to Canada where the evil warlord wizard Zimbabwe the bird was hoarding her fat in a vat. (That kinda rhymes, but that's not the point.) So, Barbara the manatee went up to Zimbabwe the bird and said,

"Give me back my fat!"

and the bird was like,

"Ok".

So then Robert the penguin gave Zimbabwe the bird three pounds of crack and four new connections to drug dealers all over the world.

Barbara the manatee then flew back to her home in the lake far, far away, and there she found that all her manatee friends were dead from boats! Boat propellers hitting them in the backs; they bled to death. All of them.

The moral of the story: manatees are going extinct. If you are a twelve year old girl, don't smoke weed and ride your bike. .

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• barbara
• the
• manatee
• story
• book
• childrens
• hilarious
• parody