Punishment & Revenge in Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD Coach and Life Coach A.J. Mahari has a new ebook available now entitled Punishment & Revenge in Borderline Personality Disorder. Mahari talks about punishment and revenge in BPD for those with
BPD and their loved ones. Mahari, who recovered from BPD herself, 14 years ago, shares, in her ebook, her own mastering of her previously unmastered talionic impulse when she had BPD. A.J. Mahari knows, from first-hand experience that there is something far more important, something much more precious then the fight to feel or be right.

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Education

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• punishment and revenge in bpd
• aj mahari
• loved ones of bpd

[invidiata22]

I have come across many of your blog posts and you are truley brilliant. Thank you for giving us survivors of this disorder a voice in the conversations with "the other side" non-Bpd's

[ajmahari]

@invidiata22 Thank you for your kind words and it is my pleasure to work at helping both those with BPD, working against the stigma of BPD, and to help loved ones understand, heal their own pain and make tough decisions about what they need. The key thing I believe is separating BPD behaviour from the person with BPD and that no matter what we need to stop dehumanizing people, even if they are hurtful. People who hurt others also hurt themselves. Compassion is important.

[elavaney]

Thanks for explaining what I'm going through with my sister right now. I now understand why she holds and nurses grudges like her first born child to the point it's destroying her life. Any slight or perceived threat and the response is like sending in a SWAT team over an unlicensed dog or something--totally out of proportion and shocking in the ferocity of her attacks against me. Is it common for BPDs to think that if something bad happens to you, they're better off??

[ajmahari]

@elavaney What you describe has to do with a very emotionally young (arrested development) mindset of those with BPD. It also stems from the unresolved core wound of abandonment and the way those issues are triggered over and over again. Many people with BPD feel (often subsconsiously) that if you're okay, they can't be okay, if you're not okay they can then gain the illusion of being "right" or it makes them feel "okay" - it isn't logical and is a product of black and white thinking.

[smmeegal]

I can relate to this, thankyou for a great explanation.

[ajmahari]

@smmeegal You are welcome.

[ajmahari]

@darrenread193 Most people need to come to their own realizations about needing some help before they will follow through. It is important to remember that you can't change anyone else no matter how much you want to help them. If you haven't already, ask her about joint therapy. However, if she won't go and doesn't want to work on herself, you could still benefit from getting help yourself for how to cope with what you "can't take" anymore and/or what her not getting help means for your choices.

[ajmahari]

@ChicagoFusion I can understand where you are coming from. Only one counter-point, unless the person is diagnosed with both BPD and sociopathic personality disorders, people with BPD alone, are not sociopathic. Having said, that, however, that does not mean that loved ones aren't severely hurt or that partners or Ex-partners aren't both hurt, and very angry.

[ajmahari]

@bellaiam1 It is very painful for both those who have it and anyone close to them. There is so much hope for recovery if you have it. The thing to research is how medication won't help recovery. No matter which side of BPD one is one their is emotional pain severe enough that it can feel like torture. The key thing is learning how to create positive healthy change whether you have BPD or are or have been a BPD Loved One.

[ajmahari]

@JasonCaesare The fixation you mention has to do with repetition compulsion of early abandonment wounds in childhood. That "sense of justice" as you put it, isn't a rational here-and-now "justice" and it is tied to the wounded inner child of those with BPD. They do not understand why they punish and even with awareness need help to change black & white thinking that perpetuates punishing that is from the past is often taken out on a partner. They also fear intimacy - engulfment.

[JasonCaesare]

The problem is that they often get so fixated that even when they are aware that what they are doing has nothing to do with the person they are doing it to, they can't quit until they have accomplished what makes them feel satisfied. Sorry, but I still can't get over how selfish that is. I can't believe that a person who has a sense of "Justice" would knowingly punish someone who did nothing to them (I'm speaking strictly of BPD sufferers who have already identified the source of their problem).

[bellaiam1]

this disorder is torture

[malarki5]

@ajmahari

the woman I know was diagnosed as bipolar disorder but I am certain the diagnosis is WRONG! She's BPD and clearly sociopathic!

[44prot]

I just want MY BPD individual to Frikken leave ME alone, period!