ι'll вe oĸay

This video is for me, but it's not quite the same if you make something with no intentions of sharing -- SO out of the kindness of my heart, here it is. Y'all enjoy (:
this is going to be deep on so many different levels that if you couldn't handle Inception, you should probably stop reading now.
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I don't know how I got so far away from home and didn't even realize it. We're all intended to wander in life's journey, especially when growing up but you're never supposed to forget where you come from and what makes you who you are. Home is where you heart is, literally. It's where everything that's ever defined you as a person lies. Home isn't one place, one thing, or one person -- it's a mixture of everything that IS you and those of you who are reading this in my retrospect, please learn from my mistake. It's okay to do that sometimes.
I'm disgusted that I let myself get so tangled up in the world's to-do list. I can't believe I let school, and boys, and family angst, and materialistic things compromise my happiness in life. The shining armor of dropping cash to go here and do this and brag about this and see the bright lights and cheer for your boys -- all of that is great every little bit of it is worth doing, but not worth doing it just to run away from things. I'll be the first to tell you that if you run from emotions, you turn out way worse rather than if you let them take over you and actually get out. Regardless it sucks, rip the bandaid off -- let the tears fall.
I've just been caught up in the wrong things. When someone approaches me and says "Don't let your studies, grades, and life ambitions take a backseat to this and that and all those pastimes you're enjoying." SO in this you're saying, "Don't let the things you love, the activities that bring absolute joy to your life get in the way of you growing up to fast?" Right, 'cause that makes sense. *note the sarcasm
I'M ONLY NINETEEN. I'm not some super human that wants to act 40 by the time I'm twenty. I've had to witness a whole lot of living -- experiences I would NEVER wish on anyone- in my short years I've lived. I don't want to back-burner my things I love to do for my future. I want to be completely in the right-now. Don't make me step out my present to chase my future. I'm not throwing my future away. Everything's in check, I know where I'm going. Let me get there on my OWN terms. It's MY childhood and I want it for as long as I can possibly have it -- if that's okay with you......
It's okay for me to fuck-up sometimes. It's okay for someone else to have to pick up some of my slack. I'm not some amazing "I can do everything all in one day" kind of person and I'm okay with that, you should be too because you can't change me.

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Today, I came back home. I hadn't even realized I left until I caught myself grinning stupidly walking my horse in from his field. I don't care that he's caked in clay and fighting me to get back to the grass. It was the first genuine smile I've had in a really long time. The kind of smile that sinks in to the core of your being. You feel it in your soul.
When you forget where your happiness once came from, you have to go back and remember the things that made you happy before the world got so damn complicated. I pray that you listen when I say designer things, six-digit horses, elaborate trips, crazy parties, ridiculous amounts of alcohol and God only knows what else don't give you happiness -- they might by chance help you find it, but if you're ever lucky enough to figure out that the things in life that actually are worth having and holding onto appear to be the most simplistic things on the outside -- they're the most priceless moments. Find those things and treasure them. Don't let pressure and consequence take that away.

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Chapter 2:
I let this boy in too many times. I gave him back my heart, my wholesome heart, that he'd previously chipped and chizzled away at. It was broken in a few places but I tied it up and put it back completely in his hands. And several broken promises, empty kisses, timeless cuddle sessions, and nights laying awake exchanging plans that would never take place. A boy I gave everything I had to offer, that I trusted and had more faith in than any other human I've ever met took that heart of mine and stomped it.....again.
He took that for granted -- for the last time. And I'm okay, well I will be, but he'll never leave. He'll always be in the back of my heart.
"But you went away. How dare you. I miss you. They say I'll be okay but I'm not going to ever get over you."........
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Chapter 3:
Lastly, this pony. I miss him, so much. He's home. He's my happy -- or part of it at least. I'll never let myself forget that or him. Ever again.

Don't take anything for granted, and don't ever forget where you come from -- it matters more than you think.
-3

Category:

Pets & Animals

Tags:

• electricstride

[budgirl123]

this is absolutely amazing because youre a beautiful strong person and i really hope to be like you <333

[electricstride]

@budgirl123 <333 I love you, sfm,

[NoWingsJumper101]

you are the most amazing, true person ever. i love youuu erinn (: <3333

and like...your an amazing writer...like if your descriptions in your videos was a book..id buy it!! <333 i hope you know your and incredible, inspiration person to so many people. <333

[electricstride]

@NoWingsJumper101 awww I love you sweetheart<3

[MistySnowDrift]

You're beautiful, and a very, VERY smart person.

You just keep your head up, you hear? Smile every chance you get, no matter how you're feeling because you won't ever get to trade those moments of sadness for the happiness you missed.

You'll get through all of this, I promise.

God bless.

[electricstride]

@MistySnowDrift thank you so much sweetheart!<3 it means a lot(:

[Ressa4horses]

I swear your one of the most inspirational people out there!

[LivingIsRidingForevr]

This is beautiful. Your words really opened my eyes, reading what you said stopped me from sinking into a useless mood of sadness. Thankyou <3

[kjumper24]

@Bryndalia uhhhhh.....stalker......

[kjumper24]

u took me out of my depression with that description! thank u :')

[kmsmileyful]

@MistySnowDrift That is so very true! I had a time in my life where I was really down in the dumps and life was not going well. I pushed through and, even though i still have bad days now and then, It all worked out. I regret some of the choices I made during that time, but with the support of my friends, family, pets, and most importantly, god, I made it through all right and life is better now. Thank god for friends and horses!

[kmsmileyful]

Wow! Your story touched my heart in a way it has never been touched before! I had a similar experience with a boy. Thought he was perfect, loved him to death, gave him everything I had to give. Then he cheated on me. He told me it was a one time deal and that it would never happen again. I let him back in. We weren't spending a lot of time together, and when we did, it just wasn't the same as before. He broke up with me. I was so hurt, i can't even describe! I am better now though. Thanks.

[elenaxpony]

this is beautiful :)

[bootyguy1965]

lovely video

[424faith]

@electricstride yes i agree!!!