Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident

After a small train derailment in Delaware, Americans all across the nation are senselessly fearing for their loved ones' lives.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• the onion
• train crash
• comedy
• onion
• onn
• today now

[oiaughwea]

"Before Crisis is over, entire US population may be believed dead" glorious

[JBoY2214]

2:21 lol on the bottom "Smoking marijuana legalized if it's with a professor".

[imlivinitupniggaz]

2:00 "Congress votes to permanently bar Newt Gingrich from Congressional gym." Hahahaha

[TheN1ckz]

I like trains.

[myeyeswillburn]

This shit is funny.

[Hockeysktr17]

What Americans Are Doing Instead Of Dying In Train Rubble

[joecanukk]

drug induced lucid dream ... welcome to the reality

[ayaz168]

very sad

[illhiphopsongs]

@BIackMoonCGI Haha so true man. Same shit in canada americans never make comedy old.

[tookietookie123]

Omg i live in LA and my mom went to the store an hour ago, i think she might have taken a flight and got on a train in Deleware because my grandma was born there.

[jackthayer]

i was on that train.... idk if i'm alive

[PwnZombie]

I like trains.