Do Not Hit Your Children with Belts

Stefan Molyneux, host of Freedomain Radio, responds to a letter from a parent. Freedomain Radio is the largest and most popular philosophy show on the web - http://www.freedomainradio.com

Many, many thanks go to Stefan for helping me to convey the importance of non violent parenting to my husband. While I could talk all day about the benefits and implement them while I dealt with our 7 yr old son, he still had the "well sometimes they just need to be spanked", etc mentality. He never understood why our son would listen and respond well to me when I spoke calmly and rationally, but not when my husband tried. Consistency being the key, a child doesn't trust a sometime rational adult. Since having him watch Stefan's videos, he saw the mirror image of himself in our son's reactions towards his father. And I am SO very grateful that we are completely on the same page now, not only for my husband, but for our son who is the true beneficiary.

This is my husband. Our kids are 4 and 2. I stay at home and have been the main disciplinary parent. I have tried to explain to my husband that yelling and threatening don't work. He just gets annoyed with that way of thinking and has said that "we will try it your way until it stops working. Then I will have to get the belt." to which my response is to be completely resistant. He uses the "I was raised with the belt and I turned out fine!" excuse. I don't point it out to him but he is a very irritable person by nature with a short fuse. I just say that I wasn't and also turned out fine. It's hard for me as a person who tries to constantly learn and move forward to even begin to accept that hitting your child is ever an answer. It is an easy outlet of frustration and not one of intelligent recognition of psychology and behavior. It is passed down from generation to generation and hopefully I will be here again telling you he has begun to see that there are other ways. :)

Category:

Education

Tags:

• child abuse
• Cpl. punishment
• spanking
• parenting
• parents
• punishment
• family Parent
• Family
• Child

[dleksen]

Stefan, I have been watching your videos and listening to your podcasts almost everyday for the last year or more. Science bless you!

[stefbot]

@dleksen thanks!

[TheJuansLife7]

oh boy what a speech, fantastic stuff stef.

[stefbot]

@TheJuansLife7 thank you

[shannonismotivated]

I urge people who dicipline their children with such violence to stop it completely and to start making amends NOW if they wish to form CLOSE and strong loving and peaceful bonds with their children. For when they grow up and your old and grey who do you think is going to look after you??? and do you think they a really going to the best job they can with the memories they have of you for every misguided and childlike mistake they made. Thank you.

[stefbot]

@shannonismotivated wisdom

[dopejoel]

If Stef was a musician and these videocasts were his music, then watching these videos would be like being able to witness mozart produce masterpiece such as the Requiem mass every other day. I hope that's not actually an understatement XD

[megansmummy77]

Good advice but what is your accent?

[nadineallen]

@Mookies75 This should have never happened to you. And im so sorry to hear that. He is a coward. At least you know what a decent person should be :) x

[nadineallen]

I used to look after my little brothers I never hit them of course but was very frustrated at times being a teenager with a huge responsibilty. One day I turned around to the yougest brother whilst giving him a bath as he was playing up and said, 'do you know how much it hurts me when you dont listen and misbehave' It was like a magic wand had been waved, he understood! Children do understand reason! explain why you are upset or frustrated and they will listen.

[TheRandomHoboChannel]

....hit them with sticks instead!

[pedrofanti]

i wish this was out there when i was a kid. now they think i'm irritable with my older brothers and think it's weird that i'm not that way at all with anyone else. it disgust me parents, older brothers, even grandpas who think it's easier to beat up a kid to learn then actually talk with them in the same level. i always treat my godson and little cousins as equals and sit right next to them at the same level to explain them stuff.

[Nomoreidsleft]

What you say is true, when an adult uses corporal punishment not to discipline a child, but out of their own frustrations. But there are cases where a child's transgression is so great the there is no choice. And one instance of corporal punishment in such a case, can save the child from going down the wrong path. This is the role of a good parent.

We'd all like to live in paradise, but some people are born with more inherent tendency towards violence than others.

[Mookies75]

I was beaten with a belt for every little thing until I got big enough to shake it off. Then he started with the fists, unfortunately for him genetics were in my favor. I was tired of being physically bullied by him my entire life so I was more inclined to defend myself when he attacked me with his fists. It caused a lot of problems in my family because of course I was in the wrong by restraining him. He wonders still why I do not respect him, it honestly makes me laugh at the ignorance.