From the keynote address at the Wisconsin State Conference on Alzheimer's and Related Diseases, Healthcare Speaker, Elaine K. Sanchez, http://EKSanchez.com, speaks about the importance of caring for the caregiver. In this segment she talks about sex, dementia, and humor. This is a true story from her tender, gritty, and uproariously funny book, "Letters from Madelyn, Chronicles of a Caregiver". Often stroke survivors, Alzheimer's patients, and people with other dementia related diseases surprise and upset their families with inappropriate sexual behavior. Madelyn and her family didn't know that Quentin's sexual fantasy was dementia-related behavior. Initially Madelyn was upset with him, but she eventually decided he wasn't "playing with a full deck", and she chose to find the humor in her husband's attraction to another woman.
It helps to know that inappropriate sexual behavior by an Alzheimer's patient, a stroke survivor, or anyone suffering with a demential related illness is not a rejection of their loved one. It is a result of damage done to the brain, which often lowers an individual's awareness of acceptable social behavior. Dealing with this bad behavior takes a lot of patience, compassion, and understanding on the part of the caregiver's spouse, children, and friends.
As a professional caregiver, kindness can be misinterpreted. In one of Elaine's caregiving workshops, a woman shared a story about her 83 year-old husband who had developed a fervent crush on his 35 year-old physical therapist. He had suffered a severe stroke, and as the young therapist worked with him to regain the use of his right hand, he misinterpreted her kindness and attention as sexual interest. He talked openly about his sexual desire for her, and when she refused to have sex with him, he went to the facility's administrator and claimed he was being abused and neglected by his therapist. Understandably, the therapist was upset, and the man's wife was embarrassed and angry with him.
It was easy for everyone to understand and accept that the problems he had speaking, walking, and using his hand were a result of the stroke. Once his wife and the therapist understood that his inappropriate sexual behavior was also a result of the damage his brain had suffered from the stroke, and that it was dementia related, it was easier to forgive him and accept that his actions were not a reflection of his affection for his wife or a result of any suggestions or advances made by the therapist.
When working with patients with dementia related illnesses, it is important to maintain a professional relationship with the patient. If a patient starts to express a sexual interest in his professional caregivers, it helps to call them by name - Mr. Smith or Mrs. Brown rather than calling them endearing names such as "sweetie", "honey", "darling", or even their first names. Instead of saying, "Let's go to bed," say something like, "It's time for
you to go to sleep now", or "It's time for you to rest." When assisting them in the bathroom, be especially careful of where you position yourself in relation to their body, and be careful of what you say. Comments like, "Let's get those pants off," or "Let me help pull those pants down," can easily be misinterpreted by a person with dementia.
Appropriate clothing, professional behavior, and firm, consistent responses are helpful. Even so, it may not quell their desire. If the situation continues or escalates, some facilities have found that it is helpful to switch caregivers. One administrator from a memory care facility reassigned the personnel so that an elderly man with an ardent affection for a young CNA got help with his bathing and toilet needs from a big, burly man rather than female staff.
Elaine's caregiver keynotes and workshops are based on her book, and these real life stories, told with humor and compassion, help people recognize and cope with caregiver anger, guilt, depression, and grief associated with caregiving.
Elaine's passion is helping people manage this caregiving stress. In her caregiving keynotes and workshops and through her audio programs and
on caring for the caregiver as they go through the various stages of caring for those who can no longer care for themselves.
Elaine frequently delivers keynote speeches, workshops, and seminars for healthcare organizations and at family caregiver conferences and gerontology conferences. To book Elaine as a speaker for your event, contact Jo Cavender at Speakers on Healthcare: Jo@SpeakersonHealthcare.com, 503-345-9164. For free articles and caregiver resources, to rent or purchase Elaine's caregiver videos, visit her website at visit her website at http://www.Elaine@EKSanchez.com
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Coping With Anger by Elaine Sanchezby ElaineKSanchez657 views
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