Funny Pet News #6- Doggie Whores, Knut, Cat Predicts Death

This is Zootoo.com's program dedicated to Funny Pet News.

Watch as Beth Hoyt and Laura Valpey bring you real pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.

This episode;
Killer Cat
Lavish Pet Funeral
Cute Knut Children's Book
Rat Land Mine Detector
Missing Boa Constrictor
Cops Kill Pig
Dog Whores
Attempted K-9 Robbery


Show transcript;

BETH: A Grim Reaper Cat, Knut!, and Doggy Rentals ... All true pet stories, on Zootoo News.

1.) LAURA:
Oscar the cat, who lives in a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when patients are about to die. The cat seems to always curl up next to patients before they pass away. One thing Oscar will never hear? "Heeeeerre kitty kitty ..."

2.) LAURA:
A funeral home in China recently received a big contract, preparing a 2 day, $13,000 funeral for a widower's only companion, his dog. Locals complained that the lavish pet funeral was unnecessary. But would you want to be the guy who's dog funeral didn't have an open bar?

4.) BETH:
Knut the very popular polar bear that resides in the Berlin Zoo has a new 44-page children's book out about him. When asked if the Harry Potter series will interfere with its sales, Knut's trainer said "No, because at the end of Harry Potter, everyone was surprised when beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP, but that won't happen at the end of Knut's 7th book.

5.) LAURA
Columbian police have begun a new program, training rats to detect explosives in minefields. In order to teach them to be less skiddish on the fields, the rodents are locked in cages with cats, which helps them overcome their fear of possible predators.
The next goal: help them overcome their fear of getting blown up.

6.) LAURA:
Dana Shields' pet boa constrictor is missing near a Memphis golf course. The owner says she named the snake Fluffy so people would be less fearful of him. Which sounds nice, until you realize he was named after his last meal.

Beth: marshmallow pie thought
Laura: No. Fluffy dog joke.

7.) BETH:
The Jones family is furious with their local sheriff's department in Georgia, after a deputy shot and killed their pet pig, Gator, when he wandered onto a neighbor's property.
There is more controversy to this story, as the Jones' reported that Gator weighed 90lbs, but the sheriff's office estimated the pig weighed 200 lbs. After hearing this the Jones' said, "first you kill our pig, now you call him fat!"

8.) BETH:




And now, the latest in canine convenience -- a California company that contracts out dogs by the day.
Marlena Cervantes, founder of FlexPetz, bristles when people refer to her five-month-old business as a rent-a-pet service. She prefers the term ''shared pet ownership", saying "our members realize they can't care for a pet full-time."

Laura: Sounds perfect for those commitment phobe guys. (immediately realizes mistake, looks at beth) Sorry, Be—
Beth: Yeah, so they'll know what it feels like to be taken out for a day, made to feel special, and then never called on again.

9.) LAURA:




Three criminals attempted to rob a K-9 unit training facility in Gainesville, Georgia. A sergeant on the scene said "for anyone to run from a whole unit of canines, it's just a no win situation."
Signs outside the training facility warn: "Caution! Gainesville Police Department K-9 Training Facility! Keep Out!" Which proves that even if you're planning on becoming a criminal, you need to learn to read.




"Beware of Dog"
"Caution Keep Out!"
"Seriously. Big Dogs Ahead."
"Dude. You're Going to Get Bit"
"You Should Have Learned To Read"
Picture of Big dog
Picture of it biting a man
Picture of a hand pointing at the person looking at it.

Category:

Pets & Animals

Tags:

• Zootoo
• Zoo
• Pet
• News
• Funny
• Comedy
• Weird
• Dog
• Death
• Cat
• Cop
• Shot
• Pig
• Whores
• Cute
• Knut
• Polar
• Bear
• Funeral
• Boa
• Rat
• K9

[ProConstitutioner]

i like the cop killing the pig.

it's a classic case of pigs killing pigs.

[csmitty101]

WTF? a grim reaper cat? thats scary...

[MsHatetheworld]

oscar learn how to use a pillow and suffocate the patient.

[dannybobsfourm]

Teh kitteh isn't predictn deth, he is killn theem

[Nupetiet]

@invaliduser1000 mashallah bro

[radiuslight]

@Fallingleaves33 No

[invaliduser1000]

cool  but can u 2 girls kiss each other a little more LONG LIVE HAMAS,, I,M JULIAN ASSANGE p.s. execute huckabee

[wortheirlemon]

1:15 the BEST!

[iplayguitarhero1]

This is retarded.

[animeteen0]

@TheAdam9224 weird comment, and well.....the facts add up to 10 since you skipped 3 and 9, also it was partially inaccurate.....but fuinny

[Fallingleaves33]

wait is this real lol?