Overcoming Shyness

Jeffrey T. Guterman, Ph.D. discusses overcoming shyness from a rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) approach, including (a) irrational beliefs underlying shyness, avoidance, and social withdrawal; and (b) disputing and acting against irrational beliefs. Visit http://www.jeffreyguterman.com for more information about Jeffrey T. Guterman, Ph.D.

Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• shyness
• guterman
• social
• problems
• REBT
• mental health
• Albert Ellis
• jeffrey guterman
• self-help
• anxiety

[cereberus4756]

My main problem is that i can say hi then my mind goes blank and can't think of anything else to say.

[jguterman]

What has worked for me is to approach, smile, say "hi," and make a statement or ask a question. It really doesn't matter what the statement or question it. It can be about the weather, a book you read, or about a new movie. Just start to start a conversation. The idea is to practice, practice, practice, especially the experience of rejection and, in particular, gettng over it; that is disputing that it is awful.

[cereberus4756]

what do I do if i want to talk to someone and they always have a group of people talking to them already?

[jguterman]

Again, what has worked for me is to approach, smile, say "hi," and make a statement or ask a question. As for very specific contexts, people typically "deal" witih it okay if they are self-accepting regardless of the outcome. Even if they are not self-acepting, they can then work on accepting themselves after they put themselves down: on that level. That's the beauty of being reflexive, of being human.

[pixelated111]

I tried to appraoch many people at school, a few times each. but they show no interest in approaching me later? all ive done, was go up to them while we were waiting outside class(and didnt interrupt any conversation), said hi and smiled, and asked a question/statement.and they were friendly when i talked to them.

did i do something wrong? because usually, i hear, that if you approach someone and if it goes well then they will approach you too sometime.

[jguterman]

It is not true that if you approach someone and it goes well that they will definitely approach you. There is no guarantee that if you approach they will reciprocate. Sometimes people with be unfriendly, and be prepared for that, too. You did just fine. Eventually, people might approach you. But even if they don't, it is not necessary! If you persist, then you might make friends and that will be fine. Again, it is hardly a must to feel you are worthwhile or to be happy in life. Keep it up!

[ljk1991]

wow nice office

[JeiBabi]

Wow thanks i really needed to hear that.

[ProdigalSon222]

very insightful video thank you!

[Ryan94Iam]

@cereberus4756 talkto them and make yourself stand out, so that she will switch her attention to you instead of the other people

[MrGrevy]

@mrh112 That's demonstrably false. Please leave that nonsense elsewhere. Illiterate goof.

[gonegolfn07]

this is amazing.

[mrh112]

shyness can sometimes be the product of mental conditions like aspergers, ocd, or parinoya. Shyness is actually quiet uncommon and most people grow out of it by the time they are 10, if your shy beyond that you should see a psychiatrist.

[tdawg191]

im kinda shy. after i say hi to someone sometimes my mind goes blank. I also feel like theres like a huge wall between me and some people. its annoying! i hate it! but the messed up thing is im usually alright when I have to speak in front of people. I wasnt even shy when i was younger. Then like 4-5 grade it started. its so annoying!

[davewinst1]

Thanks for sharing this, sick of these so called 'Helpers' who then want a fee for sharing their own techniques on overcome issues you may have. They are making a buck out of your insecurities.

[triplights]

i used to think i was shy. shyness is a mentality. practice confidence and shyness will be no more. no one is always confident. no one is always shy. there are no shy people. people are shy because they feel lack. have the frame of mind that you have abundant confidence and your actions will reflect it. everyone is courageous. good luck to you all.

[tearsandcrimson]

I've had a lot of trouble making friends in college. Like the video mentions, I realize it has a lot to do with the frame of mind i have. I get so terrified that it gets awkward. But ive become able to talk to others at school and a new problem has arisen which is i feel so emotionally drained that i will literally have to walk away from the situation to escape a feeling of fainting. I dont know what to do to overcome this. I've even had to leave rudely, like in mid sentence. any suggestions?