An Honest Mom on Discipline

If sleep was our million dollar question when we had an infant, discipline is the biggie now that we have a toddler. Since my initial love affair with time-outs in this post, I've decided that I want more options in my toolbox, and I've been trying other things I've been learning from reading the discipline chapter in Hold On to Your Kids. After a particularly despairing day, I'm casting out to see how you all think about discipline. How do you see the discipline strategies you use as fitting into your ongoing relationship with your kids?

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[anzhelo4ka]

PS: Hope you had a great Thanksgiving :)

[anzhelo4ka]

...and those other people, potentially judging you? Who cares about them? THEY aren't responsible for teaching your son how to become a kind, loving individual. I say screw 'em. And that includes those times when you are hugging him and those times when you are punishing him in a public time-out for all the world to see. You don't have to be the Best Mom Ever. You just have to be Jonah's Mom.

Sorry this got so long, but this is one topic that I often think about!

[anzhelo4ka]

...time-outs, even in public if you can, and maybe add something like if he hits other kids, he's not allowed to play anymore or some other immediate consequence that he can directly relate to his misbehavior. Personally I feel that hugging him immediately when he misbehaves is encouraging him to associate undesirable behavior with love and attention from Mom, so if I were you I would not hug him until the punishment time was over. But you have to do what you feel is best for you and him...

[anzhelo4ka]

...At 2 yrs old I don't think Jonah will even remember whether he felt loved by you all the time or what. I think right now you are just instilling good habits so that later when he is taking in lessons about life and love from his wonderful mother, the groundwork has been laid for a relationship that involves both respect for you as an authority figure and love, kindness, and mutual respect between you as a mother and son.

In line with that, my suggestion for now would be to stick with the...

[anzhelo4ka]

...look her right in the eye and do it anyway. And both of my parents spanked me as a main form of discipline! Certainly at 5+ years I would have benefited from talking it through and feeling like my parents were truly listening to me, but any younger than that and I don't think that approach would have worked as effectively. Even with constant spankings and scoldings (I was a very "challenging" child) there has never been a point in my life when I thought I wasn't valued by my parents...

[anzhelo4ka]

...now is not necessarily what you will be doing even six months from now. Of course you want him to feel loved, but in my opinion that very important priority is overshadowed when it comes to discipline by the important lesson that all actions have consequences, no matter how old you are. You can discipline with love and still teach him that he is valued in the overall scheme of things. When I was a kid, I was a nightmare to discipline. My mother would tell me not to do something and I would...

[anzhelo4ka]

GREAT post and a very tough topic, especially with toddlers who are pushing boundaries and are still too young to have attention spans for the "talking it through" approach. (no judgement of you here, just my own observation that they tune out too quickly for a lesson to be taught through words)

I absolutely agree with you that Jonah should feel valued. That is a great priority for you to have. I would maybe just say that you should remember how young he is, and that whatever you decide to do..