SMJDX: a Crash Course

You think Subject Matter doesn't matter, well it does
Federal Courts can't rule without it, blood
SMJDX, without it, son
The D will slap the P with a 12(b)1

SMJDX has two main bases:
Diversity, and Federal Question cases.
Federal Question: well it's easy to see.
Look at § 1 or 2 of Art. III

Check it out IL, don't let the language confuse you
"Cases arising under the Constitution,
Laws or Treaties of the United States,"
If you've got that shorty, you can adjudicate.

Fo' shizzle my nizzle baby, you think you're done?
Check out 28 U.S.C. § 1331
Sound familiar? You think it's the same?
That's not what the Supreme Court said in 1908!

Louisville and Nashville Railroad v. Mottley
The Supreme Court raised jurisdiction sua sponte
The whole wide world was looking at the Fed
Justice Moody kept his cool and this is what he said:

Both § 1331 and Art III
are "arising under the Constitution," see?
But this don't mean they're interpreted the same.
These two phrases mean two different thangs.

For District Courts, I don't mean to be rude
§ 1331 must be narrowly construed
My word's the law, I can make you believe in it
District Courts need more than just a "federal ingredient"

For § 2 of Art. III
The Supreme Court's authority is interpreted broadly.
Expanding this scope won't lead to more sore eyes,
That's because we use certiorari.

(Don't be jive-ass turkey)

Next we got to school you on Diversity cases
Where the P's and the D's are from different places.
Where is the law where this comes from, foo?
Check out Art. III, § 2

The plaintiffs and defendants they can all be cursin' me
Cause I know the statutory basis for Diversity
28 U.S.C. § 1332, got to roll $75K deep in that lawsuit

And if your civil action fits this claim,
It's got to fit one of four criteria just to remain,
parties have to be from 1) different states,
2) foreign states, 3) different states and foreign states,
4) or foreigns states as plaintiffs, and defendants from states or different states..

Did I confuse you? Drop my knowledge and bruise you?
Train of thought so fast, it lose you? You're like "what's what?" and "who's who?"
Well boo-hoo, and screw you too. Check your head, foo. You got a jurisdictional screw loose.

Now settle down 1L and please be patient
What's the citizenship of a corporation?
Trick question, shorty. But simply stated,
1) Principal place of business and 2) where it's incorporated.

Don't believe me, you better check it son:
§ 1331(c)(1)
When you read the statute, one thing is curious:
It doesn't define "citizenship" for diversity purposes!

(DIVERSITY CASES)
Now Mr. Mas, he's a good French guy
He was stuffing his face with some freedom fries
When a hottie from his grad school caught his eye,
She was a citizen of M-I-SS-I-SS-I-PP-I

They fell in love, and soon they were married
And this when things got hairy with Perry.
Mas was in the bedroom, he was working off her skirt,
But he was being watched by a creepy-ass p*rvt

This whole time Perry creeping nearer
Watching Mas make love behind a two-way mirror.
It's scary that Perry, who was probably harry,
was "checking it out" like a law library.

Being watched when he lusted, Mas was disgusted
He slapped the sh*t out of Perry and he cussed him,
"Tocqueville!" "Le Petit Prince!" "Baguette!"

Mas didn't know what to do with his tort
So he sued for damages in federal court
But Mr. Perry, he said with a smile,
"Make sure you check your woman's domicile..."

But the court said Perry, you're not that shrewd
Don't mean to be rude, but you one sick-ass dude.
Maybe your head is still in denial
But your domicile is determined when you file.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Law
• School
• Funny
• 11(b)1
• UH
• Hawaii
• University of Hawaii Law
• Richardson Law School
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