Devaluation Projection and Lack of Trust in Borderline Personality Disorder

A.J. Mahari, author, speaker, mental health and life coach, talks about how the negative thinking experienced in the devaluing half of borderline splitting clouds the reality that people with Borderline Personality Disorder experience victimization that they think is coming from others that is really
projected out on to others from what is the borderline lack of self. It is from this devaluation and projection that people with BPD experience what they perceive to be abandonment and betrayal that warrants or supports what is their own lack of trust to begin with.

Category:

Education

Tags:

• borderline splitting
• bpd devaluation
• bpd distrust
• aj mahari

[softwinter]

I have a loved one who exhibits so many of these BPD traits. We need help addressing these issues in Michigan. Do you have any suggestions for a therapist who is an expert in BPD in Michigan, because CA would be too far for us to travel :)

[ajmahari]

@softwinter I wish I could help you but I do not make individual recommendations for therapists. In case you are ever interested in coaching, I do that with people all over the world via the phone. When looking for a therapist have a list of questions ready and interview them. Make sure that they are knowledgeable about BPD. It is really a matter of shopping around and being selective. Best of luck to you.

[gabsylv]

Thank you very much, very insightful, taught me something about myself 

[ajmahari]

@gabsylv You are welcome. Thanks for sharing that and I'm glad you found something I said helpful.

[b2dauddy]

I enjoy you videos and believe I have BPD (although I am only 17). One thing you might want to watch out for is convincing non-borderlines that they are completely faultless in a relationship. Yeah sometimes I overexaggerate my anger, but some of my friends would take this to the extreme and claim that ALL of my reactions are due to BPD and that they are invincible. That was the only negative I wanted to mention, because I really like your videos.

[ajmahari]

@b2dauddy I don't believe that non borderlines are completely faultless in relationships and so I am not ever coming from that point of view. Sometimes people do think every feeling or statement or reaction on the part of those with BPD is about having BPD and I agree, that is not always the case. Everyone in life has issues. In relationships that involve 2 people, there are 2 people who have to take responsibility for what transpires.

[sweeetly]

I think the bottom line is always self love. That ability that we all have to 'give' to ourselves.

It seems society itself is in the process of raising such so called disorders.

TV pumps out x factor and weakest link, money talks, sex sells etc.

Loving self means not have to rely so hard on others, the world, to make us happy, comfortable..then disappointments are not so hard to take.

Ease up on ourselves a little.

[smashface500]

You are amazing, and you bring so much to light. I am very grateful to have found these videos. I understand parts of me I never understood before. Breakthroughs are around the corner. Thank you for sharing. I wish I had enough money for coaching!

[gayforlife2020]

I really like your video style, and I recommend your videos to lots of people, BPD or not. (maybe this will produce some income for you!) ... I have to be very careful: if I believe that all the devaluating messages are coming from ME, then I will forgive my ex- and return to a situation that I think was chipping away at my mental health, bit-by-bit, esp. over the past 5 years. Do Borderlines choose healthy relationships? Or do we often let others choose us who are a bit broken, too? Hmm.

[IWANT2GETAWHEY]

On the flip of the coin.... obviously, since the BPD has no solid sense of self, they cannot be trusted by others. Due to the complex games of rejection, clinging, judgement, blame, anger, and abandonment issues, the patient does not trust, for the purpose of preventing intimacy, and having to "be seen" by any other person, for who they are. Thus trust = reliability, and that equals being real, rather than being an illusion.

[aussiecowboy]

I experienced this on the day my partner walked out, he said he couldn't trust himself to react the right way to situations within the relationship, I guess, taking things the wrong way if something is said or done, over reacting, my intention was to never hurt him but I obviously said something that he could not see it for what it was, he took it for how he imagined it to be, he split me and now hates me and will not talk to me again, that hurts.

[d1979reav]

I think that alot of the trust issues come from when you are expecting to be let down or abandoned, one would sub conciouslly lash out to push people away as a defense mechanism. which is totally illogical to your logical goal which is to build a relationship or friendship.

[prettyparadoxal]

wow this is great to show to my family this is EXACTLY why i cant bond with my family - this finally explains why i keep saying they are emotionally abusing me then i run and move across states for years come back and again same ol same ol. in reality i judge myself (and i have said this) so much i sound literally paranoid to others but really its my low self esteem that is so low its like passing the center of the earth low lol and i am blaming others for my negative self talk/paranoia..