Albert Ellis: The sickness of self-esteem

Excerpt from Jeffrey Guterman's first session with Albert Ellis
January 8, 1986

Guterman: Self-acceptance.

Ellis: Self-acceptance means, I said, I accept myself whether or not I do well, not because I do well. And very few people have that and we have a hard time teaching it to people because they only want to accept themselves when they do well. They're crazy. They're mishuga.

Guterman: It's a little confusing.

Ellis: I know and you better go over it many, many times until you really see the difference between self-esteem, I am a good person because, and self-acceptance, that I can always accept myself even if I murdered 20 people. I wouldn't accept my murdering.

Guterman: What would be the benefit of me accepting myself instead of esteeming myself?

Ellis: Then you wouldn't be anxious.

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• selfesteem
• acceptance
• guterman
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• psychotherapy

[shamosgotit69]

Self-Esteem is stupid! I am a good person because I did well on a test! Well what happens when you fail a test, which may happen because we are all fallible human beings? Well, if we judge ourselves on our acts, then you would be a failure!

Accept yourself as a human being! But do not associate your behaviors with your SELF. Rate your behaviors, improve on them if need be. But you are still a human being regardless of what you do, good or bad.

[fntime]

In the late 1960's, I had a ticket for a debate between Ellis and Nathaniel Brandon, I missed it, but evidently I didn't miss much, because Brandon and the objectivist walked out en masse, because of something Ellis said. I think self-esteem usually 'bleeds into' egoism, where the universe is here to agrandize the Self. I think self acceptance seems like a better concept. People can have self esteem and not have self acceptance. They take on a faux persona of self esteem.

[MrGrevy]

@mre2u2 Strive to accept yourself and don't worry about what other people think. Keep your disgusting money-obsession and western nonsense to yourself.

[MrGrevy]

@miamcu Hopefully with the coming economic collapse, there will be less obsession with money and status.

[miamcu]

very provocative in a conutry and a culture obsessed with success as it is U.S.A., it is easier to understand from other cultural contexts less worried about achieving....

[ProFriend]

@shamosgotit69 Self-esteem in and of itself isn't stupid - it's our pursuit of it that's wrong. True self-esteem comes from achieving success through hard work. It can't be handed out like candy, and it's not the key to success, as many parents and teachers have been led to believe. How important is it to have self-esteem? That's debatable. If the level of self-esteem gets too high, it can reach the unhealthy level of narcicism. A better predictor of success in life is self-control.

[alan111best]

@mre2u2

No one said 'strive for mediocrity' - except you!

This is about us knowing that we are more - much more than just an exam result. You are a unique living human being. That makes you amazing before you start doing anything! And without this 'I'm okay, but only if...' you can then move on and have a great life.

Just for the records, Ellis (RIP) lived into his nineties and was still working away helping people have much better lives. God bless him. Please read his books.

[mre2u2]

Strive for mediocrity! Great paradigm

[CountDOODOO]

This is great! Short, simple, and to-the-point. Thanks for uploading this!

[laodokesolitas]

I always thought of self-esteem not as "I love myself because I do well.", but as "I love myself because I know I am capable." As in, I know I can always exercise choice, so long as I am not braindead.