Two And a Half Men - Al-i-money

-Alan,wait.
-You can't stop me.I am giving Judith back the giraffe.
-Oh,I don't wanna stop you.I just want a good view.
-Okay,you can stay.Charlie,look at this.What is this?The Harpers.
-Yeah,so?
-She's not the Harpers any more.She's the Harper.This mat is a complete lie.
-Yeah,and it's in cahoots with the mailbox.Come on,ring the bell.
-You and me,we're the Harpers.Us.
-Oh,Alan.Hi.
-Dr.Melnick.Is Jake all right?
-I assume so.He's spending the night at a friend's.
-Oh,that's right,that's right.Dr.Melnick is Jake's pediatrician,so naturally,I thought...Oh,okay.
-Looks like somebody else has given your wife the giraffe.Wow,that was more fun than I expected.Come on,giraffe boy,I'll buy you a drink.
-Okay.Wait,wait,wait
...
-Our pediatrician.My ex-wife is sleeping with our pediatrician.
-I wonder if she gets a lollipop after every visit.You know,you're actually a very lucky man.
-Oh,really?Really?How am I lucky,Charlie?Show me the luck.
-Well,first of all,of Jake ever gets sick of hurt free medical care is only a hot tub away.
-What if she's serious about this guy? What if she marries him?
-Even better.
-Better?How is it better?Show me the better.
-If she marries him,you're off the hook for alimony.
-That is better.
-In fact,if you saw the big picture,you'd encourage this relationship.This guy is a real catch for you.Don't let him get away.
-You are right.Maybe I should go back there and,you know,bless their union.
-No,no,no.You provided the woman and the hot tub.That's enough for one night.
-Yeah,I guess
...
-Oh,you're still here.
-Yeah.Listen,Alan,I'm really sorry about..
-No,no,no.I should apologize to you.Showing up last night unannounced,That's completely inappropriate.And I came by to tell you it won't happen again.
-So you came over unannounced to apologize for coming over unannounced?
-I was afraid you'd pick up on that.Is Judith up yet?
-Actually,she is not here.She ran to the market.
-Up and out this early on a Saturday?Good for her.
-Alan,I gotta tell you,this is a little awkward...
-No,please,don't feel awkward.Look,we're obviously going to be seeing each other a lot.There's no reason for anybody to feel uncomfortable.
-That's a very mature attitude.Thank you.
-Well,you're welcome.So let me make you some coffee...So tell me a little bit about yourself.Ever been married?
-My wife passed away.
-Oh,I'm so sorry.No alimony,though.Gotta love that.Hey,hey,here's a funny thing.My name's Al and...And I give Judith money.So it's...So it's alimony.
-Wouldn't it be Al-i-money?
-I was afraid you'd pick up on that.You got kids?
-No.
-Well,that's a blessing.What with the dead wife and all.Mint Milanos?
-No,thank you...Alan,you really don't have to do this.
-Hey,hey,I am a licensed chiropractor.If Jake had a sore throat,I'm sure you'd treat him,prescribe something.
-But it's nothing,I think I just slept wrong.
-Oh,that's probably because you're not used to our bed.
-So have you...?Have you met Judith's parents?
-No.
-Oh,they're just gonna love you.They were devastated by the divorce.Not to mention some of her unfortunate choices thereafter.
-Unfortunate choices?
-Oh,you know,that's not important.What's important is they're just gonna be relieved to see she's dating a man.You carry a lot of tension up here.
-Alan.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Two
• And
• A
• Half
• Men
• s02e02

[FatnWild]

its alanmoney

[CheeseReaper22]

-You got kids?

-No

-That's a blessing. what with the dead wife and all.

OHH-O-O-OOOOOO-OO SHIT!

[3ku1]

Herb was pretty serious back then, he is really well or over the place now lol

[schoolgirl09]

the poor giraffe

[mckfrr]

That's probably why they named the character Alan, lol.

[Str4t0sPh3rE]

Oh crap! When Judith walks in.....*SNAP* OUCH!

[regenjo]

they seem to have dumbed down herb over the course of the show

[KarakuraRiser]

I was afraid you pick on that!

[luv2shop18]

awkward moment