Beginning Again - A milestone on the divorce recovery journey

Like fire, hope is a hungry thing. I learned that you have to tend and feed hope vigilantly. It only takes one inattentive moment for it to burn out, and when hope is extinguished, serenity is overtaken by the darkness.

Healing a broken heart also takes a lot of conscious effort across the intellectual, spiritual and practical levels. It's not always a process that one can simply leave to the passage of time to take care of -- it is first and foremost a choice. But sometimes, all the logic and intellectual understanding in the world doesn't do a thing to lessen the grief. I've learned that when you can't change the way you feel from the head down, you have to change the way you feel from the feet up... one step at a time.

Making this little video was a big step for me. The chimenea ritual, digging up the old photos, and searching the Internet for quotable wisdom, forced me to confront my grief in the context of healing and letting go, not in the context of clinging to the past. The activity was very cathartic for me. It was a milestone of sorts.

The video is about some of the steps (both forward and backwards) I took during the healing process - and the ideals and wisdom that I aspired to integrate fully into my being along the way. While my mind went willingly along, my heart chafed against the yoke. Nonetheless, I knew that as long as I didn't sit on my heels and allow myself to get mired, I would be okay. So every day, I consciously chose to take a step closer towards the healing I needed and deserved.

Even the days when there seemed to be no end to the tears, I chose to embrace every day, every hour, every minute, and every breath as a new beginning. And it worked. :)

More than two years after my divorce was final... I did a lot of hard soul-searching to learn everything I could from the failure of the marriage to grow in my capacity to give and receive love. I am a better person and I thank him for that. The anger and the grief are gone, I have forgiven him and myself too. I can now say it and mean it -- I wish us both nothing but love, joy and abundance.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• Divorce
• Recovery

[xxxpurposexxx]

Omg..thank you so much for this video. I am just very recently divorced from a man who did nothing but use, manipulate, belittle, and break me down. I chose to leave after 6 years of marriage because I loved myself enough to realize I deserved better. Yet now that the divorce is final, I feel lost. Alone, depressed. I know I made the right choice, but it still hurts. Thank you for sharing this powerful video of your pain, and your ultimate healing.

[Paramaryl]

@xxxpurposexxx: Remember that marriage is a choice. Divorce is a choice. Healing from divorce is also a choice. Healing is obstructed by bitterness, asking "why did this have to happen?", anger, regrets, fear, etc. The only way past those obstacles is Forgiveness, which is also a choice - one that must be made consciously - and *repeatedly* - for healing to progress. FORGIVE whether or not the other person deserves it. It isn't for the other person's sake anyhow, it's for yours. ~ Namaste

[Paramaryl]

@xxxpurposexxx: P.S. I also believe you made the right choice by leaving him. Love is never the wrong answer -- and this includes loving yourself. And some people are better loved from a distance. ;-)

Warm Regards,

Mary

[Paramaryl]

When I made the video, it was for my own catharsis.  I am delighted that it touched someone else in need of healing too. Thank you for commenting. :)

[jodiekennon]

I'm going through an extremely painful divorce right now & this video touched my heart. I know I made the right decision but can't seem to pull myself together. I'll try the forgiveness route someday but today I just want to hate him for all he has done to me & my kids. Karma will catch up with him at some point.

[pajeturner]

I am proud to say my younger sister created this. I am a ways behind her in my healing. Divorce was final one year ago. And I finally cleansed with fire tonight. All those papers, mostly. I have been following her advice about DECIDING to heal, and forgiving 10 times a day--it helps. No matter what becomes of me, whether I find a new love or not, I know I made the right decision for me. The same love for myself that got me out of there is the love that I use to heal and grow. Thanks, Sis

[232323C]

I have never healed....Its going on 11 yrs and still single not dating....living alone....

[Danuih]

thanks for sharing this. The heartfelt words allow forgiveness in all forms of releasing and letting go those issues in life that we can hold onto ....regardless on the damage they are doing to our soul.

[habibasaad]

i needed this tonight. thank you for making this video!