Need Prayer? No Prob. Donate to Rod Parsley!

Need Hope? Need Change? Call Someone Who Cares (Not)
Kim M.
SoCal Martial Law Alerts
December 26, 2011

Imagine, for a moment, you're down on your luck. Lost your job. The wife left. The dog died. The cat had kittens. Your car just broke down on the side of the road in the middle of Podunk, Nowhere, but that's OK, because you were about to run out of gas anyway. Your pockets are empty and the credit cards LONG gone. You've got no family. No friends. Nowhere to go but south. And there you stand, wondering what to do at one of the last jacked-up, broken-down phone booths left in rural America.

But wait.

There's a small sliver of hope beaming from a bright yellow sticker on the side of the booth.

Free calls!

First number on the list:

"Chase Bank Press *10."

Free call to one of the globalist-shill banks that helped ruin the country via derivative/paper/Ponzi schemes and with whom you do NOT have an account?

Uh, nope. No hope there.

Second number:

"Receive God's Blessings Get Daily Prayer Press *12"

Hey, getting warmer now. 'Cause when you're down so low you've got no place to look but up, what better place to go than to God in prayer? Hot damn. Things are looking better already!

So, boy howdy, you dial up that there STAR-ONE-TWO lickity-split and this is what you git:

"Thank you for calling Breakthrough with Rod Parsley. If you are calling to purchase a product, or make a donation, please PRESS ONE now. To speak with a customer service representative regarding a prior order, or donation, please PRESS TWO now. For information regarding Pastor Parsley's speaking engagements, or ministry event information, PRESS THREE now. For information about Valor Christian College, or the external studies program, please PRESS FOUR now. If you would like to repeat these options, please PRESS THE STAR KEY now..."

Sum bitch.

But if you stay on the line long enough, eventually a live operator will come on asking if you'd like to "make a donation to receive our special offer, the Soaring With the Eagles series?"

(barf)

You're dead broke, in need of prayer and some smarmy televangelist has the nerve to trick you into calling his donation line so he can ask YOU for money?

No hope THERE.

Third number:

"Need Cash Now Easy Quick Loans Press *13"

Sounds kind of suspicious, but, hey, you're desperate, so you decide to give it a try. The call is free, right? A silken-voiced lady comes on the line and says in her best bureaucratic drawl:

"If you are calling for info about the special direct consolidation loans announced by the Obama administration, please visit http:// www dot student aid dot ed dot gov..."

What? The gods must be crazy. You're calling a free number from a payphone trying to get some quick cash, because you ain't got nothing, no way, no how and they expect you to go to a website to consolidate your student loans? Yaaaaahhhhh!

It gets better.

"Need Help Finding a Job Press *14"

"You have reached the after hours message for the Atlanta Operations Center for Spherion Corporation in Alpharetta, Georgia.... You may apply for positions online at www dot spherion dot com and thank you for calling Spherion."

Um. Like a call center for a clerical staffing company thousands of miles away is really going to help you when you're stranded by the side of the road with NOTHING? Like you could even GET to their website, or to one of their offices? Or like you would even have anything to offer them in the way of employability when you arrived?

What dumbass put this list together, anyway?

"Need a Credit Card Press *15" takes you to the customer service line for MasterCard. Pressing five for more information yields the following:

"If you would like to apply for a MasterCard, please visit www dot mastercard dot com. One moment, please, while I transfer your call...."

Hoo boy.

"Check the Weather Press *16" yields:

"We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected, or is no longer in service...."

"Wells Fargo Press *17" is the customer service line for yet another globalist-shill bank and, if you don't happen to have an account there, what good does a free call do?

Finally, who in their right mind would dial "Social Security Press *19" in a time of dire need just to get an automated menu of pre-recorded, bureaucratic options?

I ask you.

No hope. No help. No change. And thank you, Rod Parsley, for making it go down easy.

You hang up, hang your head and cry.

Category:

Nonprofits & Activism

Tags:

• Prayer
• blessing
• indulgence
• rod
• parsley
• breakthrough
• televangelist
• romans 13
• clergy
• response
• team
• chase
• wells fargo
• social security
• job
• hotline
• phone
• booth
• spherion
• mastercard
• credit
• card
• donation
• hope
• change
• ponzi
• bankster
• bailout
• homeless
• mortgage
• fraud
• foreclosure
• derivative
• scmla

[tonymalone501]

Rod parceky is mind controlled. If you think I don't know what I'm taliking about all you have to do is message,or writemde. I am not hiding

[djuss240]

Oh that is rich! Just posted on my F.B. Thank you!