STOP dealing with Narcissism like this

http://www.narcissismcured.com/codependence.html

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People & Blogs

Tags:

• Codependence
• narcissism
• emotional abuse
• mental abuse

[DiscoProJoe]

How to deal with a narcissist? Get out, get out, get out, get out...fast!!! They only get worse with age...until they completely self-destruct. Leave them to the death they worship!

[kimandSteveCooper]

@DiscoProJoe OK. You say 'Get out, Get out"! And how would an abused person do this? How do they leave? Who will help them? Have you ever moved house? Getting out is not as easy as walking out the door. In many cases, if someone walks out the door, they kiss goodbye to everything they own. We have a reader who cannot leave because she is being abused in the home she owns. Where does she go? Should she leave the house to her abuser? ..... We do our best to understand a very complex problem. Steve

[Jenitza82]

I TRIED ALL THIS AND ITS TRUE NOTHING WORKS HE JUST KEPT IGNORING ME HE EVEN MADE ME HIS FAM ENEMY I LEFT HIM AND TOLD HIM I WANT A DIVORCE... I WONDER WHAT R THEIR PLANS... PERHAPS FIGHTING MY DAUGHTER'S CUSTODY?

[kimandSteveCooper]

@Jenitza82 - Yes that is a big problem because divorce in itself does not end the conflict. Whether you leave or you stay you need to take steps to end the conflict. The points in this movie are what you need to STOP doing. What you need to START doing is set out step by step in our books.

[KindaGamey]

if doing nice things makes someone think me "low status" then forget it. I don't want to lose the best parts of myself (generosity, kindness) to help someone else with their problems, nor do I want to be subconsciously influenced by that kind of thinking. the most horrible thing is being made to feel insane by someone rewriting history on the fly ~ that is a dastardly betrayal and completely skewers the heart to heart honesty that relationships are supposed to be about.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@EternalFuu - Walking away is not usually the best way to learn to stand up for yourself and leaving isn't always as easy as people pretend. What if you have kids together and fear your partners reprisals? We have people come to us after their 3rd or 4th marriage has gone bad and it has taken them this long to finally see that they are part of the problem - to me realizing this so late is what is sad.

[DiscoProJoe]

@kimandSteveCooper Well firstly, she could make an ordered list of her top 10 values in life, and live by it. Her physical & mental health, her integrity, and her sense of inspiration all should be placed *higher* than any other *person* or material possession in her life.

Personally, I did this four years ago. And within that next year, I risked everything I had and gave up nearly all my possessions to move to China (from the U.S.), where I'm happily building my life! Amen.

[DiscoProJoe]

In my opinion, here's the ultimate motive of people with NPD and other disorders: intentionally making others suffer. Most people with NPD were abused during childhood, and since then, have been suffering every day with guilt, fear, confusion, anger, and depression. They secretly (and unconsciously) want everyone else to have those same feelings, so the person with NPD doesn't feel so alone in his/her suffering. He wants everyone else to suffer as he's been doing every day. Misery loves company.

[MsVaughn75]

@kimandSteveCooper Thanks but wrong. Example, per. A has signs and symptoms of Cancer, per. B encourages them to seek help out of love/concern- NOT manipulation. Perhaps b/c of your own NPD that you can't see/admit it? It's rare anyone admits to NPD, so I thought it would be interesting to hear directly from you. Lastly, I've done some research on your "cure" today & general opinion seems 2B ur cons w/ no cred or pro peer review papers etc & out to scam . Thanks for your time but not buying.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@MsVaughn75 - The 3 things discussed in this movie will not receive a good response from anyone and the last 2 are emotional manipulation and not (as you suggest) the farthest thing form harm. The only difference in the response of someone with narcissistic tendencies and a healthy person is the first will play along because they are familiar with this unhealthy pattern of relating where a healthy person will be more likely to just walk away.

[MsVaughn75]

@kimandSteveCooper Hmm. Did not answer the question. Interesting in itself but I digress... What I was looking for was your opinion as to WHY those acts are percieved as threats by the Narc. to begin with when in reality they are the farthest thing from harm. Is this just a facet of the Narc. being prone to "magical thinking"? Also when dealing w/ a person who has almost any other issue encouraging them to seek help is the proper act. But yet you say it is the opposite for Narcs. Why?

[kimandSteveCooper]

@MsVaughn75 - These 3 things are NOT normal/healthy communications skills and are NOT love and care. They are part of the codependents 'role' in the game of family conflict. If they seem like normal and healthy things to you -10 Steps to Overcome Codependence would help you a lot. Love, care and building trust have nothing to do with these 3 things. The best thing you can do to build trust with someone is show them you are emotionally balanced and have good self esteem!

[MsVaughn75]

Question for the husband in this video: Why/how does using normal/healthy communication skills to encourage sharing and building of trust result in the opposite result for a NPD person

Why treating people with NPD with love/care and activly trying to build trust and safety makes the NPD person attack their partner? And if we don't treat you guys with love/care ect. you folks will aslo attack us for neglecting your needs. Basicaly it seems we

are damned if we do and damned if we don't?