3rd MCC Poetry SLAM! Tournament for 4-08-08.
Had to get up and entertain again inbetween rounds.
One of my favorite poems.
Most people are not nerdy enough to know that "Grimlock" is a Dinobot Transformer who, if memory serves me right, looks like every T-Rex that eats automobiles at Monster Truck Shows. Hence the joke.
Full title is "The Summarized Information Gathered In Conversations Between Toys At Their 20-Year High School Reunion"
and here's the words:
---
It started out relatively quaint,
Barbie and Ken's marriage,
but after years of lacking the body structure
to menstruate properly,
Barb became delinquent in her workout regiments,
significantly widening.
A repulsed Ken
subsequently cheated on her with one of the Bratz
citing that Barbie was just: "too synthetic."
Their Malibu house and convertible
are currently tied up in litigation.
Polly Pocket
knows her shrink on a first name basis
from being incestuously diddled
over a hellacious three years
inside that highly dysfunctional clam-shell compact.
Michelangelo was forced to hang up his nunchucks for good
when his shelled siblings held an intervention,
excommunicating him from the group
upon discovery that his insatiable fondness for pizza
was, in fact,
as they had privately suspected for years,
spurred on by a devastating marijuana addiction.
Cobra Commander publicly announced that his
plans for world domination
would have to be put on
indefinite hiatus
with his exit from the closet.
At said press conference, he inadvertently
outed former G.I. Joe enemy, Duke,
now obviously turned lover,
which prompted the Army to issue
a dishonorable discharge
for his breaking that whole
"Don't ask, don't tell"
shenanigans.
The Incredible Crash Test Dummies are still dummies that test crashes
but through time and age
have been noted as being remarkably less incredible with each said crash.
Hello Kitty became a devout Buddhist,
claiming to awaken from a sleep of ignorance,
unveiling to the public that
SHE had never been a SHE at all
And that HE simply accepted the bow in HIS hair
to cover the rent.
(Girl's gotta pay her bills, y'know.)
Stretch Armstrong entertained a brief stint in porn,
due to more than obvious reasons,
but the mixture of high grade cocaine
and a deep-rooted Inferiority Complex
finally caught up to him
and he was found dead in his home:
hung with his own arm.
Many of the Transformers became obsolete,
rendered useless due to exorbitant gas prices,
Save for Grimlock, a Dinobot
who makes a killing being the attraction
at local Monster Truck shows where,
ironically,
he eats cars to the jest of slack-jawed children.
Skeletor, arch-nemesis of He-Man,
remains so in a way
with his position as
Regional District Manager
at RJ Reynolds Tobacco.
He-Man passes his time
as an expensive,
although totally worth it,
personal trainer.
The plush Pound Puppies
with their floppy ears
and heart emblems
were all rounded up
and simultaneously
euthanized
due to the President's
war on Terriers.
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5:23NH Chronicle - Slam Poetryby wmurtv11,216 views
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