Incel Video--Dr. Gilmartin 1

These are segments from a work-in-progress documentary on involuntary celibacy, or incel. More information can be found on involuntarycelibacy.com

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• love
• shy
• Gilmartin
• virginity
• incel
• sexual
• frustration
• dating
• loneliness
• involuntary
• celibacy

[MJB919]

I'm an incel, 23 years old, a virgin, and never had a girlfriend. I'm a good looking guy, I have a lot of friends, yet I can't get the girls I like to like me back at least enough to wanna date me. Its become a major distraction in my life that I really want to get rid of. It has made me extremely depressed and even suicidal. I worry that eventually people I know will start to think I'm secretely gay just because I never get a girlfriend.

[TrMan1]

Do you ever get concerned that your worry about being perceived wrongly as secretly gay may also cause others to believe you are homophobic?

[MJB919]

I didn't say I had anything against gay people.

[TrMan1]

Oh I didn't mean to say that I thought you were homophobic. But worrying about being seen as gay could be perceived as a homophobic attitude by less understanding people. I was just wondering if that had ever been an issue with you before.

[MJB919]

Ok I see what you mean. No that has never been an issue with me probably becuase I never talk about it with people. In fact I even make up sex stories to convince other people I'm not a virgin. I feel like if I tell others I'm incel it will destroy my reputation.

[TrMan1]

It's sad and just wrong that our culture shames you into being dishonest in this way. That's a perception that will take much time hopefully to fix, but sensitive and informed depiction of incel in the media and in the community may help.

[squamish4244]

@AncientSusquehanna I studied Dr. Gilmartin's research in college (about 10 years ago). It is, quite frankly, seriously flawed. He seems to have a very limited view of human psychology.

[squamish4244]

I remember reading Dr. Gilmartin's book for a Human Sexuality class in college and thinking his study had serious flaws in terms of accurately presenting a cross-section of society as a whole. Instead, he chose focus groups so selectively that the findings were ridiculously skewed.

[kattowitz4]

I'm an incel in my 20s, everyone tells me that I'm good looking and intelligent yet women won't even bother to look at me. Most of them actually act like I'm not there, I feel like a ghost at times. I might even say something to a woman and she'll just walk right past me. Being an incel can seriously screw you up and the chances are sooner or later you 'll go insane. I know I'm slowly going insane. I'm starting to believe that all incels are simpy cursed... cursed men.

[OchrismongrelO]

@SplatteredCadavers66 No, it's natures way of saying "Stop sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, improve your life and attitude, and try again."

[TheAdam159]

Glad I'm not the only incel. Only found out about this term last year. I thought it was just me women would not touch with a ten foot pole. Guys with this problem, you're not alone. It's more common than you think. Just that many men don't want to discuss it in public.

[amperro]

Selective Slavery System! Awesome!

[helljumpr5150]

Being a virgin is at times a distracting fact for being a male in his 20s, but at least sometimes it can overshadowed by what i can accomplish in life, and may not even need sex to feel complete.

[helljumpr5150]

@SplatteredCadavers66 INCEl + Autism = 102% hellish existance.

[Sguis90]

Well Doc....fortunately there are guns,bridges,high buildings and trains in this world.So I can put an end to my suffering.And one day I won't just be able to resist it.

[JohnnieNaked]

I am not a virgin, I have had a couple of long term relationships with women (>6 months) and a few other sexual experiences but nowhere near what I want. The long term relationships were more of convenience or lack of options than real interest. Regardless, I feel the person you are describing in the video is me. I struggle with low self-esteem and with meeting and attracting women, and in general with relationships of any kind.I'm wondering what materials I should read or what steps to take?