Keeping Secrets

This video is dedicated to all of those who have been carrying around secrets. If this helps save one life or encourages one person to seek help, it's been well worth it.

Typical in most dysfunctional & alcoholic families we all had our "role." Once, during my freshman year of high school, the student counselor called me in to her private, little office in the hallway. My heart was racing as I was being asked, face-to-face, about my behavior patterns (being late for school often & bruising on my arms).

I recall not really trusting my secrets were safe with her but, out of my fear of authority figures, felt obliged to confess. Next thing I knew, a parent-teacher conference was called two nights later, held in the principle's office.

There, sitting at a round table with the school principle, several of my teachers, the guidance counselor, & my parents, I was expected to repeat what I had told this woman in confidence. Well, you can just imagine how terrifying it was... my father brow-beating me with that 'look', "just wait 'til we get home, are you gonna pay for THIS!"

Of course, I was unable to speak freely. Before I knew it, our meeting was adjourned. Rising from the table my father charmingly joked with the staff, "Well, she has always been one for the dramatics" ...a subject in which I particularly excelled.

Throughout most of my adult life I was able to maintain a successful career in show business, always knowing how important it was to "put on a good face." Life seemed fine, I guess, until losing a pregnancy, then my marriage, a series of further personal losses and, suddenly, I had found myself in the abyss: a deep, black hole of despair known as, Sudden Onset Clinical Depression.

For the past ten years I'm no longer referred to as "the Dramatic One". Apparently, I'm now, "the Crazy One." Well, creating this video has certainly been a cathartic yet hugely frightening experience. ~Thank you for taking the time to watch it.

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Keeping secrets is synonymous with keeping stuck. Our human potential is stifled by our stuffed feelings, attitudes, ideas. Conversely, the more we allow others to really know us, the greater will be our opportunities for growth and happiness. Our secrets burden us.

The choice to shield our inner selves from others is our to make. Risking vulnerability takes strength, and a great deal of courage. We can never be certain that our audience won't betray us. However, we can be certain that words and thoughts hidden will haunt us.

The gift of total honesty and openness is profound intimacy. It's the gift that makes possible a level of friendship that dispels self-doubts, that gives rise to a euphoria that turns all situations into opportunities for greater happiness.

(~Karen Casey & Martha Vanceburg)

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We dance around in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.
~Robert Frost

*Related videos:
This is one of the best videos I've found - so far - on this subject:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvjzzPatSOU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNE6PXppQCc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQvwxuTiU08&feature=related

Oh... there's so many:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0a8gEqathM&feature=related

Category:

Nonprofits & Activism

Tags:

• Domestic Abuse
• Child Abuse
• Depression
• PTSD
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Adult Children of Alchoholics

[Rmsredrose]

it washes over me .....the shame, guilt,and strong sense of violation. And then these feelings turn into a recall of events that leave me horrified...the little girl beaten with a belt is me, the sexual abuse by the family doctor and not believed by parents is me too. My alcoholic father lay with me, stroking my hair as my fists clenched and I wondered where my mother was.......this revelation was just discovered and I still don't know where the healing begins......Keeping Secrets was as if

[henleyst]

@Rmsredrose ...and then, you doubt yourself so very often. Doubt your judgement. Did it all really happen if no one will admit it or talk about it? Where was your mother? Where was mine? The betrayal is so deep so now, where do you go from here?

[MsGroovalicious]

Thank you very much. I was then, and now am crawling slowly from the wreckage. God be praised.

[henleyst]

'Wreckage' is such a good visual. As an escape I used to draw. I remember sketching a rose growing out from between cracks in the concrete. At such an early age I suppose I grasped the concept, "where ever you are planted, grow there." Children who are victims of violence & abuse grow up so quickly. I pray you still can play and get yer groove on, Groovalicious. ;)

[blegatowicz]

You absolutely are NOT and NEVER WILL BE referred to by that name. Absolutely NOT crazy.....Absolutely a kind person with a gentle soul, who goes out of her way to show people the respect and dignity they deserve, who serves the greater good helping those that can't help themselves.

[blegatowicz]

You are so generous of heart, quietly sharing of yourself with absolutely no expectation for fanfare. Some people are so wrapped up in themselves, but not Rhae. The only time she speaks of "I" is when she asks What can I do to help. It is my distinct honor and priveledge to call you my friend and thank YOU for opening your heart. Love you my friend. Barb

[blegatowicz]

Part 1 - Videos like this are so critical to the healing process of those who suffer in silence. Many people live feeling unloved and alone, tormented by past and present demons, unable to move forward, fearful of when the next shoe will drop. Emotions are suppressed until events trigger uncontrollable pain and anguish. Life becomes a burden, a struggle. Sufferers are masters at creating barriers and disguising their hurt. They withdraw into a deep, dark place where nobody can hurt them again.

[blegatowicz]

Part 2 - They can be in a crowded room and feel totally isolated and alone. Some even silence their souls. Seeking solace in a bottle, or a needle or a knife is NOT the answer. There are people who care, who you can trust and who will be in your life unconditionally for a lifetime. Those people are out there waiting for you. It can change the direction of your life. Take that step forward and they will come. Trust me; you are loved.