OUSPENSKY and self-remembering impressions

The first impression was that
attempts to remember myself or
to be conscious of myself, to
say to myself, I am walking, I
am doing, and continually to feel
this I, stopped thought. When I was
feeling I, I could neither think nor
speak; even sensations became dimmed.
Also, one could only remember oneself
in this way for a very short time.

I am speaking of the
division of attention
which is the characteristic
feature of self-remembering.

I represented it
to myself in the
following way:

When I observe something,
my attention is directed
towards what I observe.

When at the same time, I
try to remember myself, my
attention is directed both
towards the object observed
and towards myself.

Having defined this I saw that
the problem consisted in directing
attention on oneself without weakening
or obliterating the attention directed
on something else. Moreover this
"something else" could as well
be within me as outside me.

The very first attempts at such
a division of attention showed
me its possibility. At the
same time I saw two things
clearly.

In the first place I saw that
self-remembering resulting from
this method had nothing in common
with "self-feeling," or "self-
analysis." It was a new and
very interesting state with
a strangely familiar flavor.

And secondly I realized that
moments of self-remembering do
occur in life, although rarely.
Only the deliberate production
of these moments created the
sensation of novelty. Actually
I had been familiar with them
from early childhood. They
came either in new and
unexpected surroundings,
in a new place, among new
people while traveling, for
instance, when suddenly one
looks about one and says: How
strange! I and in this place;
or in very emotional moments,
in moments of danger, in
moments when it is
necessary to keep
one's head, when
one hears one's
own voice and
sees and
observes
oneself
from the
outside.

I saw quite clearly that my
first recollections of life,
in my own case very early ones,
were moments of self-remembering.
This last realization revealed
much else to me. That is, I
saw that I really only
remember those moments
of the past in which I
remembered myself. Of
the others I know only
that they took place. I
am not able wholly to
revive them, to
experience them
again. But the
moments when I
had remembered
myself were alive
and were in no way
different from the
present. I was still
afraid to come to conclusions.
But I already saw that I stood
upon the threshold of a very
great discovery. I had
always been astonished
at the weakness and the
insufficiency of our memory.
So many things disappear. For
some reason or other the chief
absurdity of life for me
consisted in this. Why
experience so much in
order to forget it after-
wards? Besides there was
something degrading in this.
A man feels something which
seems to him very big, he
thinks he will never
forget it; one or two
years pass by—-and
nothing remains of
it. It now became
clear to me why this
was so and why it could
not be otherwise. If our
memory really keeps alive
only moments of self-remembering,
it is clear why our memory is so
poor.

All these were the realizations
of the first days. Later, when
I began to learn to divide
attention, I saw that
self-remembering gave
wonderful sensations
which, in a natural
way, that is, by
themselves, come
to us only very
seldom and in
exceptional
conditions.
Thus, for
instance,
at that
time I
used
very
much
to
like
to wander
through St.
Petersburg at
night and to
"sense" the
houses and
the streets.
St. Petersburg
is full of these
strange sensations.
Houses, especially
old houses, were
quite alive, I
all but spoke
to them. There
was no "imagination"
in it. I did not think
of anything, I simply
walked along while
trying to remember
myself and looked
about; the sensations
came by themselves.

Later on I was to discover
many unexpected things in
the same way. But I will
speak of this further on.

Sometimes self-remembering
was not successful; at other
times it was accompanied by
curious observations.
--Ouspensky
--ch 7, In Search of the Miraculous

Category:

Education

Tags:

• Gurdjieff
• Ouspensky
• self-remembering

[Shiemash51]

There is a false conception that people have about me, and this false conception has not

anything to do with what may or may not be "real" and "deep knowledge" because

I think we can all agree that most of what I write HAS ALL THE APPEARANCE OF PSYCHOPATHY

since it happens to be true that the fourth way internet method has been a process for

me of self-healing, NOT TO BE "TEACHER"

OR "GURU", and I don't think anyone sees me in

that way, nor do I wish it.

[Shiemash51]

I have no doubt that the police officials who

read my work see me as a total psychotic, AND I ADMIT THAT I HAVE BEEN, SINCE MUCH OF WHAT I

HAVE WRITTEN IS TOTAL SHIT OF WHICH I READILY

AND PAINFULLY ADMIT, but, and I will say it again, the difference is that YES I AGREE, AND ALSO THE DIFFERENCE IS HONESTY WITH ONESELF . . . there is not any violence or

threats of any kind directed to anyone nor to myself, nor am I gravely disabled.

[Shiemash51]

I have said it many times in previous posts

that I only role play the "sex offendor" and I have done this for the reason that it is true that there is what is called "sex-offendor- hysteria" which started during the years when Bill Clinton became Sex-Offendor-

In-Chief of the United States.

I am speaking of hysteria

which has manifested as a

psychological illness in

America having nothing

whatever to do with

actual sex offenses

which occur.

[Shiemash51]

I have discovered role play of the "sex offendor" to be an indispensible part

of my work because it is true that I sit in

various coffee shops and restaurants around

town for hours at a time observing people

and then writing of my impressions

in connection with the ideas of Gurdjieff.

It is because of this "observation" activity

of mine that I appear like a predator, which

I am not.

[Shiemash51]

It is a fact that there exists a property,

which is inherent in every ordinary man, to whichever class he may belong and

whatever his age, that, whenever he thinks about something concrete outside himself, then his muscles instantly strain, that is

to say vibrate, in the direction taken by his

thoughts, and I have discovered from

experience that such muscular

"magnetic tension" is real. I will then

harmlessly and silently sit until that tension

passes unto liberation.

[Shiemash51]

In reality, what we are speaking of are the "involuntary manifestations" of neurosis and, as Gurdjieff said, it is involuntary manifestations that are the true cause of so-called "evil" in the world. Negative involuntary manifestations for most people are those associated with anger, resentment and hostility.

[sevenonpaper1]

Up until I read your comments, I made you out to be a person with a moderate magnetic center.

You are a saturn-mars body type. Other people who know about body types will verify this.

Throughout most of your presentation, you were in a tramp false personality, although on two or three BRIEF occasions, you managed to connect with true personality. Those occasions, should you be curious to know what they were, were when you suddenly and candidly "explained" something in different words.

[ubermensch81]

sometimes inspiration comes from places we least expect. thanks for posting . this is my first exp. with ouspensky . 5 stars.

[PeterRoeder31]

Interesting. Ouspensky is legendary.

[ranfeamon]

i have a good impresion of you, just continue your way, but remember you can speak with more diction...congratulations, good work!, thanks