We Count Black Men Don't We

The myth of the "Black male shortage" is the most insidious weapon of mass distraction since the epidemic of Korean hair weaves stitched to the scalps of legions of women of African descent.

Closer to the truth is that Black women have become witting victims of shady statistics. Many unquestionably believe sensational media reports of increasingly long odds against Black women getting married, or even finding a Black boyfriend.

The lie of the shortage of Black men also lives among endless assertions of anecdotal evidence. One common lament: "My friends and I are educated, Black women. We own our homes, cars and have successful careers. However, not one of us has any marriage prospects, so we socialize at one another's homes."

Their disappointment is palpable; however, they are missing one salient point. When today's Black career woman spends 8 to 10 hours at work and her leisure time with girlfriends, it is impossible for her to meet available Black men.

During a recent FlirtingTime.com workshop titled "Debunk the Myths and Lies You Believe About Black Men," I asked a male friend who, by day, is a successful corporate trainer, to trade his three-piece business suit for a janitor's uniform. His job was to sweep near the entrance of the workshop and to cheerfully greet each woman as she entered. Of the 40 Black women in attendance, fewer than 1 percent returned his greeting. After the women were confronted with results of this experiment, I asked, "How can you ignite your social life with men if you refuse to speak to them? Was it the broom that blinded you and numbed your tongue?"

But must a Black woman lower her standards? No. However, she must not ignore the economic realities that affect Black men and women. But if she is hell-bent on marrying a corporate Brother, she might just be waiting a very long time. The number of Black men hired by corporate America is dismal causing many to become self-employed.

Further, some Black women believe that their professional credentials and material possessions make them ideal candidates for marriage. They are not aware that many Black men do not see career achievements as a woman's attractiveness. Instead, it is a woman's softness that attracts men foremost. If she possesses other material attributes, that is great, but he seeks a woman first, not a job title or a land deed.

The shortage-of-Black-men chorus is usually followed by the often-asked question, "Well where are all of the 'good' single Brothers?" The question reflects a woman's hysteria. (Particularly, as 10 healthy, good Black men probably just walked by, but kept moving when they saw Sister-girl having a meltdown.) We all know more than one female friend who is not manless because of any shortage, but because she has issues.

But honorable Black men are not hanging from trees like grapes, or in the "good Black man" aisle of the local supermarket. Nor are they invisible statistics. They have sequestered themselves into safe havens: the barbershop, two or more jobs, financial workshops, community organizing, night school, political campaigns, sporting events or out on the back porch.

After finding Black men, Black women must monitor how they socialize. When planning to attend a social event, grown women will often recruit a few girlfriends. On the other hand, Black men tend to travel solo, or with only one male friend. Thus, when Black women arrive knee-deep with girlfriends, they are frustrated when there are more women than men, fueling their belief of the alleged shortage of Black men.

Let's review. Men of African descent are not limited to America. Black men can also be found in Canada, South America, Africa, Europe, Asia and the Caribbean.

Let's be warm and gracious to the Black men who cross our paths, thereby attracting more. And if there are no Black men in our environment, then self-inventory needs to occur.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• black
• men
• women
• girlfriends
• relationships
• shortage
• of
• reltionships
• african
• american

[rdogg30]

I'm getting mixed signals from black men. If we are educated,independent and have our own careers, they're turned off because we don't financially need them. But if we were sitting at home waiting for them to take care of us, then we would be "gold digging bitches"and every other derogatory name for black women. I'm sorry but it's really more of the men that need to get their shit straight.

[kambridge967]

I think black women are 2 picky

[michael616joaquin]

I am racist. I'll be honest about it, but your video and black folk like yourself are changing my mind. Kudos good sir.

[Patestia]

@sanpablos39 I'm a happily married black woman and I agree with you. So many of my friends say they want a good black man, but when they meet him, they turn him down. I can spot a good black man anywhere and I know plenty of them. I really believe it's because they haven't had positive black males in their lives, so when they meet him, they don't know what he looks like.

[M16OnDaScene]

@justicecarly Yeah your lucky to be married... Not everyone in life is meant to be married or be marriage material....

[justicecarly]

@M16OnDaScene so do I, but to paint all women; black women with the same brush shows you have an impaired way of thinking...that chick was a hoodrat simple as that. the difference between a black woman and a hoodrat is quite different...thank goodness i am married and happy...

[M16OnDaScene]

@justicecarly I'm like a referee I call it the way I see it.... I tried to talk to a girl and she called me a nigga before I even said anything negative so hey. When it comes to females, find em, fuck em, and forget em.....

[M16OnDaScene]

@middleofmars Agreed Sir!!!!!

[middleofmars]

@M16OnDaScene That statement kinda threw me off too. He said out of the 40 BW in attendence, fewer than 1% responded???? I get the idea that none of those women said hello, but how do you 1% of 40?? You mean half of one woman spoke.lol I get the point but the way it was expressed is suspect.

[justicecarly]

@M16OnDaScene bitches? and you wonder why this problem exists. 

[sanpablos39]

i am a good black man and i have my own car crib job, little to no debt etc and i love black women chocolate black and redbone but im often passed up for the thug that they feel they love and adore and are hell bent on waisting they time with. when i address a black woman with manners they look like whats wrong with him, as if they are so use to mental and verbal abuse that its the norm. average black women want thugs, mandingo or a nigga wit some money. the above average look down on black men.

[teamgrn]

yep yep. i see it all the time.. the sisters dont be trying to hear nobody. everybody is to good now adays. and everyone they see is nobody.. or there busy talking on the phone when you see them. since theres so much shyt to consume an all. busy busy busy