Words and music by Paul Nahay.
Joysong Moskowitz singing.
Well, Hel|lo ladies.
I've come to | speak to you
About this | problem you've been having.
You say you | don't know what to do?
Well, my solution's very simple:
It's as | easy as can be.
I'm gonna | tell you all about it,
And for | absolutely free.
When | I want some action,
When I | want to be bad,
I | get what I want
Through a | classified ad.
The in|vestment is small,
But the re|turn is great.
I simply | write it and mail it,
Then just | sit back and wait.
(instrumental chorus)
The | guys who respond,
They | come in all sizes.
I guess | some are okay,
But none are | pleasant surprises.
Now, I | know what you're thinking:
You're wond'ring, | "What does she like?"
"Does she pre|fer something Yuppie,"
"Or more the | lumberjack type?"
Well, to | tell you the truth,
I'm not so | hard to please.
I | like a nice dresser,
Though I'm al|lergic to sleave!
I | just want a man
Without the | things I DON'T need.
'Cause | back where I come from,
ALL the | women agree:
If you | can't get the man out of your mind,
You | can't get the upper hand,
So if you | want to remain in control,
You've got to | take the mind out of your man.
Now I can | see there are questions
From some | folks in the rear.
You want to | know if I'm joking,
Or if you | didn't quite hear?
Yes, you | heard me correctly.
I don't mince | words in my speeches.
You want to | know where I'm from?
I'm from the | Planet of the Leeches!
Yes, the | Planet of the Leeches.
Where every | office, home and school
Displays a | sign which clearly teaches
That only women are | smart enough to rule.
Back on the | Planet of the Leeches
Brains only | bring men bad luck,
So we relieve them of the burden
With a tech|nique that really sucks.
If you | can't get the man out of your mind,
You | can't get the upper hand,
So if you | want to remain in control,
You've got to | suck the mind out of your man.
Oh, now | don't be alarmed.
Men are | SIMPLE creatures.
They have | less need of brains
Than your | legs need of T-shirts.
For | surely you've noticed
That men are | ruled by one thingy:
They think it's like a | Navy cruiser
When it's really like a | Boyscout dinghy.
Now, the | reason we've come
To share this | message with you,
Is that our | sisters on earth
Have | asked us to.
They say they've | had it with men
With their Ne|anderthal ways,
So they've en|listed our help
To make men | humble slaves.
If you | can't get the man out of your pants,
You | can't get the upper hand,
So if you | want to remain in control,
You've got to | take the pants off of your man.
It's so | easy to do;
It only | takes a few cuts.
The only | anesthetics needed
Are some | slaps to their butts.
Though they may | whimper and cry,
You needn't | pay any heed,
For they know | perfectly well
They're getting | just what they need.
When the pro|cedure is over
They'll gladly | kiss your feet
After they | see how you've reduced
The hazards of a |bicycle seat.
Men are | much less aggressive,
In fact, they | act civilized,
When you remove the | source of the question,
"To be, or | not to be circumsized?"
If you | can't get the man out of your pants,
You | can't get the upper hand,
So if you | want to remain in control,
You've got to | cut the putz off of your man.
You'll see that | after you're done,
He'll ful|fill all your wishes.
You can | put him to work
Doing | backrubs and dishes.
And you | won't have to worry
About him | leering at you.
His only | natural desire
Will be for what you | tell him to do.
| After a while
You'll prob'ly | tire of him,
Once he's | served you well
And satis|fied your whims.
You'll find there's | no further purpose
In having | him around,
Which brings me to my | final point,
One that's basic, yet | so profound:
If you | can't get the man out of your life,
You | can't get the upper hand,
So if you | want to remain in control,
You've got to | take the life out of your man.
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this would be awsome if i could accually see somthing!!
zjice 1 year ago 4