"He's a great guy!" (Translation: "He's Oral!)?

After my trip to Las Vegas, my brother and I got into a big fight about his friend's preference not to have the captions on the TVs in his house. My brother made a comment to me that I "choose to use my voice only when it suits me", while at the same time, he referred to my friend who went on the trip as a "great guy who uses his voice so we Hearing can understand everything!" I discuss a little about the implications of this statement in this vlog.
Links: http://iced2010.com/about-ICED.php

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People & Blogs

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• OralistApproval

[Banerika]

This reminds me so much of the White people I have known who say they like a certain Black person who is a "great guy." Why? This Black person has made ALL of the effort to accommodate/fit in, makes all the effort to meet more than halfway, even seems not offended by racism, etc. That "great guy" is usually that White person's only Black friend. That White person usually says, "I can't see color," or, "he is just a friend, not Black to me," -- AS IF the IDEAL is not being Black. Ugh.

[Banerika]

I just see lots of parallel with the majority culture DEMANDING that minorities do ALL the work, more than 50% of the effort, when the minorities are those that are being oppressed in the first place. That is just not fair. Not only is it unfair, it is a further example of oppression.

[DrDonGCSUS]

@Banerika Yes -- this is one reason why I do not use my voice most of the time for Hearing people -- the way I see it, I end up giving them full accommodation, but they do nothing to accommodate me. So the relationship is unequal.

[DrDonGCSUS]

@Banerika Good analogy.

[pdurr]

So does this mean that your brother is NOT a great guy because he does not sign all the time? : )

once i had a family member say "you know its rude when you and so and so just sign to each other cuz it can seem secretive or folks will feel left out." I just smiled really big. And she was like OH - i get it.

We are always left out so the wee few times when we might have some measure of equality all the sudden it is "hey not fair"

[DrDonGCSUS]

@pdurr My family does not get that.... I've tried pointing it out....

[deafmommy]

Yes it is very common. Even if when a deaf person speaks very well, they are looked more highly than those who only sign. Especially when they are not as intelligent as the ASL deaf person, it gets overlooked. I'm glad you brought it up because it happens too often especially when there are a couple of deafies working or going to school. I often wonder about deaf people's speech, if their voice quality is good or what, is it possible for them to speak almost perfectly especially if born deaf.

[InsaneMisha]

Wow, that's rough on you. Damn, the problem is even though your brother does understand you when you talk BUT most of hearing people may NOT understand you. Been there and done that myself. But right now my brother understands me? Just on and off. That is normal because he lives out of state & we only see each other every X-Mas, that's it. Nobody is perfect.

However I can see where you are coming from. It is your choice whether you want to use your voice or not. He should have respect that.

[Banerika]

Thanks. I just see this phenomenon all the time. It is a familiar pattern in the relationship between the oppressor and the oppressed. You can't sell out who you are to be "liked" by the majority. Do they deserve to live in a world where nothing is uncomfortable, not even for a minute, and there is no learning curve? Never having to challenge themselves to cross cultures, while everyone else is forced to alter themselves/their culture to fit in? It's simply not right.

[Banerika]

That's right. I think that's a good decision.

[Banerika]

Thanks, it just struck me. I talked with White people in college who said, "I wish I had more Black friends, but they just stick to their own, and sit at the same tables for lunch," etc. I always asked them, "Why didn't you make the effort, and sit down at their table?" And they'd say, "Oh, I'm intimidated or uncomfortable ... being the only White person." So they weren't willing to feel uncomfortable even for a minute.