Narcissist's Insignificant Other: Typical Spouse or Intimate Partner

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself -- while aggrandising and adoring the narcissist.

The partner is, thus, placing herself in the position of the eternal victim: undeserving, punishable, a scapegoat. Sometimes, it is very important to the partner to appear moral, sacrificial and victimised. At other times, she is not even aware of this predicament. The narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from her because he is superior in many ways (intellectually, emotionally, morally, professionally, or financially).

The status of professional victim sits well with the partner's tendency to punish herself, namely: with her masochistic streak. The tormented life with the narcissist is just what she deserves.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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• narcissist
• spouse
• mate
• intimate partner
• significant other
• family
• relationship
• marriage
• divorce
• companionship
• narcissistic supply
• codependent
• inverted narcissist
• victim
• survivor
• abuse
• idealization
• devaluation

[bgrant1999]

Wow, that is an excellent overview of what this relationship looks like. I couldn't ever be submissive to my ex and that is why he had to find a replacement. Yeph, that is the best gift he could have ever given me! :) Merry Christmas!

[LoserMillionaire]

why is it always : he, him. there are just as many she,her narcisist.

[kazanoom]

)This guy overthinks things big time. Let me break it down for you bruthas and sistas: Stay away from assholes.

[thelovepuppyboat]

thank you for sharing, this is good helping those of us understand why we have been in relationships with these kind of people. I like how you don't just focus on the narcissist psychology but also those who are involved with them.

[Kathydrel]

TheSeeker4wisdom, thank you for your prayers and your concern, may God bless you : ) it would be easier if he did give me a black eye, then there would be no question weather to stay or go. The kids are grown and the only abuse they witnessed would be neglect of a workaholic husband and father. Everyone ,but family, loves him and thinks he's the nicest , kindest, generous man they know ,I don't think at this time I'm in danger. As I gain control over my life through Jesus Christ I sense my husb

[TheSeeker4wisdom]

@Kathydrel (continued - part 4) Unfortunately, such men do not change as long as their victims remain with them because they do not have to face accountability for their actions.  I'm praying for you.

[TheSeeker4wisdom]

@Kathydrel, (continued - part 3) A lot of other Christian women, just like you, feel guilty over leaving their abusers, and needlessly so! The biggest concern over staying is whether you two have, or will have, children because there is always the danger of them being abused. Even witnessing their mommy being abused is traumatic to those precious little ones!

[TheSeeker4wisdom]

@Kathydrel (continued) I could not post the link but you can look up the article online in Christianity Today.

Nobody can tell you that you should divorce your abusive husband; that is between you and God. However, God does make provision in His word for divorce in extreme circumstances, such as abuse, which you can see in the article.

[TheSeeker4wisdom]

@Kathydrel, I am extremely concerned for you!  May I suggest you read "What God Has Joined: What Does the Bible Really Teach about Divorce?" by David Instone Brewer in Christianity Today.

[reliableandrew]

@fairlind ..and I suggest to you that there are far more of them than perhaps you realise...I have reason to believe that female narcissists are LARGELY unreported...for reasons that are obvious if you really consider why, especially given the general narrative of women in society...

[purity4all]

@LoserMillionaire No actually 75% of them are men.

[Kathydrel]

And also the Dog whisperer , when I saw the fear of abandonment in the dogs eyes , I recognized myself! If Caesar could rehabilitate a dog from separation angsiaty , then so could I be. It's a process forsure! Am I totally happy?, I wouldn't be here still trying to manage but it doesn't feel hopeless at least not today .Happiness is a fruit of the spirit, not something I expect from someone or something else.