The decomposing corpse of former British premier Tony Blair was found yesterday in Suite 180 of The Salmonella Resort Hotel, Las Vegas. Chambermaid Mercedes Alvarez, reportedly the last person to ...
The decomposing corpse of former British premier Tony Blair was found yesterday in Suite 180 of The Salmonella Resort Hotel, Las Vegas. Chambermaid Mercedes Alvarez, reportedly the last person to see Mr Blair alive, said that; "Mr Blair was in there for about a month. He said he didn't want to be disturbed. There was a lot of strange noises. Then it went all quiet... and then there was the smell." Preliminary analysis reports that the partially decomposed corpse of, in Forensic Specialist Bob Thwaite's own words; "a small rodent - some kind of gerbil, maybe" was also found, lodged in Mr Blair's rectum. This was not the cause of death, however; further examination of the stomach cavity revealed large traces of a combination of high-grade motor-oil and semen. This was not the cause of death either, however. Mr Blair's entire circulatory system was suffused with a cocktail of 70% pure Afghani heroin, female hormone-therapy pills, crack-cocaine, LSD and Viagra. The County Coroner, Chuck Deakins, announced this finding at an emergency press conference, adding the remark; "Jesus... and he always seemed like such an OK guy..." Mr Blair's corpse has been returned to England for official viewing in Westminster Abbey. An entrance fee of £5 will be charged, except in those cases where viewers wish to urinate upon the corpse, in which case, it will cost £10. All procedes to go to charity.
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