Getting Frank With Brank

Fitness Instructor / Dietician Brank Pillory talks real world solutions for your health problems. Today, he answers viewer mail from people looking to lose weight, bulk up and enter a virtual afterlife. His methods will surprise you - but you'll be even more surprised by the results!

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• fitness
• health
• workout
• exercise
• guru
• diet
• food
• weight
• loss
• bodybuilding
• muscle
• parody
• video
• funny
• spoof
• comedy
• training

[CommanderMantis]

Brank,

200 years ago, I killed a mermaid off the coast of Japan and ate her flesh. Since that dark night, I have been cursed with eternal life As punishment for my cruel act, entropy has abandoned me. I have seen both my loved ones and the world I was familiar with die and fade away into the cold mists of time, but I remain forever trapped in the empty shell of my young body. As a living ghost who will never know the sweet kiss of death's lips, I find it hard to eat healthy. Any advice?

[bfirenzi]

@CommanderMantis Kudos, Commander! You're discovering what life is like on the other side of the coin - and coming up with the same results! Death is as pointless an endeavor as living, and soon the constructs of time will cease to exist for you - years will feel like seconds will feel like centuries! Existence itself is an empty shell masquerading as something with meaning! Also, get your protein through nutrient-rich foods like fish, not ground beef.

[ECAbrams]

Brank,I find the world bleak and hostile, what should I do?

[bfirenzi]

@ECAbrams There are still many private islands left to purchase, so if you've got the skills to pay the bills, I suggest saving some clams to buy your way into exile! A more practical solution involves building your own sensory deprivation tank and sitting in it for a few hours every day. Drifting into a cavern of sheer nothingness is better than the alternative, you feel me? The results will surprise you EC!

[danetucker]

Brank-

What do you recommend for some healthy dessert solutions? I want to lose a few pounds, but I have a horrible sweet tooth sometimes.

[bfirenzi]

@danetucker Blast those pounds away and satisfy your cravings with a cup of granola, crushed walnuts, blueberries, and greek yogurt with honey mixed in to taste! Scoop that down your foodhole, Dane, and always know that the spectre of death looms over us all and escaping it is like spitting into the wind. Brank Out!

[DickWad16]

FUCKING. THIS. Thank you, dearly, Sir Firenzi.

[proberush]

Brank,

They found the bodies. And the walnuts. Somehow, they also managed to uncover the fifty tons of explosives I'd been saving in order that I could blow the bodies and the walnuts sky-high should they ever be discovered. Should I steel myself for the humiliating trial and lifelong prison sentence which will surely follow, or beat up the man guarding this terminal and make a run for it?

[edwardorocheroonie]

NEW ZEALAND FUCK YEAH

[excalibar12]

Still my favorite video by you Brian.

[GunivXyrgoon]

the timing is so fucking excellent oh my god

[ThisLabTop916]

Brank

I've been worshiping you for about six months now and none of my prayers have been answered what more can I do for you to hear them,also do protein shakes really work.

[MikuMech]

Brank,

An archaeologist that left me an artifact and fled- when I began to look closer at it, I became plagued by a constant static and dreams where I can see the planet: a single grain of sand amongst thousands in an hourglass clutched by the talons of a giant leviathan. I manage to glimpse its face for a moment and in that moment it looks right back at me. Even nihilism looks like a comforting blanket to me now, just beyond my reach- perhaps I'm just eating poorly and it's effecting my brain?

[Dune1884]

WHAT A CARD!

[derteqal]

This is like the funniest character I've ever seen.