Characteristics of Adult Children of Abuse -- Roy's Story

This is a 9'40" video-version of a presentation I gave to my AACA group. 'AACA' stands for Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics.

My mom was an alcoholic from when I was born, and my dad was a wife-beater and a weekend-drunk.

I've made the video to share the four roles adult children of abuse tend to take on, and to publicise the 13 characteristics that most of us tend to have.

It's released under a Creative Commons 'Non-Commercial, Attribution, Share-Alike' license. So please feel free to download it and hand it on to people who might need to know they're not alone.

Here are the details of the musicians whose work I've been privileged to include on the video. It's all licensed under the same Creative Commons license I use, and I'm deeply grateful for that...

o 'Schyzophrénie extatique de l'autochtone' by arnoldsrecords.
Download from http://www.jamendo.com/

o 'Lazy Sunday Morning', 'The Lonesome Death of Jonas Grumby', 'Shunned', 'Timestream Station' by Derek R Audette.
Download from http://DerekAudette.OttawaArts.Com

o 'Punk-o-Tronika' by MAIS.
Download from http://www.jamendo.com/

o 'Trip I - c'est l'heure' by Miscere.
Download from http://www.jamendo.com/

Most of the photos that didn't come out of the family album are from stock.xchng at http://www.sxc.hu

(I'm afraid I don't recall the photographers. None of them require attribution in their Creative Commons licensing, so I simply saved them. I regret that. I'd prefer to acknowledge them. If you recognise any of the pics, please lemme know, and I'll pop the names in here.)

I apologise in advance for the poor microphone quality. I've done my best to clean up the audio, and the music certainly does aid in that process. But the mic problems were entirely my own... I had the input volume up way too high, so I was unaware that I was saturating the mic. Dammit.

I owe a debt of gratitude to Garr Reynolds for his site on effective presenting -- PRESENTATION ZEN. http://www.presentationzen.com/presentationzen/

I can only hope that this presentation of mine reflects some of the insights I've learned from Garr.

Please let me know what you feel about this viddie.

Blue skies
love
Roy

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• alcoholism
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[monkeyeagle]

Excellent Video Mate! Thank you Roy for having the Courage to share your painful story with us! I too grew up in a household of Hell! My Mother seemed to Love to provoke My Father till He beat Her and the police had to come! Then She could be the perfect victim!Of course My Father was a Victim too according to Him...She Made Him beat Her,supposedly!!!! Nice to know you are working hard to heal yourself,I must do the same! My brother chose to self destruct with drugs and drink! Cheers Best Wishes

[royblumenthal]

Thanks monkeyeagle Dante...

Dude... you must do what works for you. I find that hammering myself into 'must do' is pretty much the best way to do nothing.

For me, simple awareness is the best tool I use. I like to be aware of what I'm feeling about something.

As Hal and Sidra Stone say, 'It doesn't matter WHAT you're saying, it matters WHO is saying it.' (Is it your damaged inner child? Your vengeful inner parent?)

Blue skies

love

Roy

[ximplixity]

'Let it begin with me'. Thank you Roy, and bless you.

[royblumenthal]

Yup, ximplicity. It's all about starting with oneself. From inside to outside.

Blue skies

love

Roy

[NBDB06]

Hi Roy,

Your video was profound!!! I never thought Youtube could provide such great healing.

My father was an alcoholic. He was not abusive- he was a lovely man. What made me sad is to watch him self destruct. He was a man of great talent like your father but it was almost as if he did not feel worthy of his success. You went through great pain but you are stronger now CLEARLY. Keep working on it. As they say keep coming back because it works if you work it!!! PEACE, LOVE and JOY to you!!

[tulanekid]

Thanks for posting this. I am from Johannesburg, but moved to the States when I was a kid...father was/is an incredibly angry and emotionally abusive man.  I could relate to many of the characteristics you describe relating to children of abuse. I am 25 and hope that I can sort this out so as to live a nice life, and not repeat the abuse I suffered on my own children should I have any. Thanks again!

[Gasparro18]

@monkeyeagle I can relate to that too. My mom would do the same shit to my dad except use weapons like trying to hit him with a gold club, frying pan, or stab him. If you ever talk to my mom she'll try to convince you my dad's the reincarnation of the devil. She brought dysfunction to my family. My mom basically put the same shit on my brothers and I that my grandfather did to her. But, she never got over it and its bullshit.

[SaraStarr24]

I'm a second generation of alcoholics. “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” We alway steer away from this word serentiy and bravery. Giive peace know I can n;t change my parents or myself only God can. Bravery to stop blaming, leaning and craving their life. The knowledge and understanding to know the difference from your word.

[lookadis]

@lmollot I appreciate your pain but if you think there wasn't abuse by Iroquois men AND women, you're deluding yourself. It is PEOPLE, of all stripes, who do this to any creature they have power over, when they themselves have not learned how to honestly handle their own emotions. There are plenty of women abusers. I know.

[lookadis]

@EvilCakeFairy Oops I was thumbs-downing someone else and hit yours by mistake. I tried to give a thumbs up to correct my error, but Youtube won't let me take it back! SORRY! Yours is a great comment.

[lookadis]

@lmollot If only it wasn't the mothers whaling on their kids as well, and sometimes their menfolk too. PLEASE don't feed us that "women are angels" crap. Not so.

[lookadis]

THANK YOU FOR THIS! You help me see how this can be spoken of in an informative and even entertaining way, that won't frighten the "normals." This was pure serendipity for me, I'm (hopefully) starting therapy tomorrow (if they'll take me). <3

[lmollot]

when there is so much child abuse- we recognize it is a cultural, social problem- which cannot be cured by individual, psychological "therapy"- change the structure of patriarchy culture - return to the matriarchy womens clans - legitimacy of children thru the mother & her mothers clan group- do it for the future generations of children

[lmollot]

teachers & priests started all kinds of child abuse in society- replace them with mothers/grandmothers clan groups- well supported mothers, many mothers- longhouses & farm collectives-security sexual safety for mothers & children- video "MATRIARCHY CLANS PROTECT MOTHERS & YOUTH"