I didn't stalk her, I stayed to myself. And surprisingly, she came to me. It was one day at the library. I was just trying to get away and wanted quiet. I guess she wanted the same. She came to hide in the very back, the way I always did. I love my family and all but with three brothers it just isn't very quiet. "Hi." She whispered so softly I wondered if she really said anything. "Hey." I smiled. "I'm Nick." "Amie." She smiled softly. I don't know how long we talked for that day. We may have stayed in that library for hours just enjoying each others company. It was always easy with her. She was calm and collected, but excited and jumpy. She was so many things put together. She never ceased to surprise me, and after that day the only thing that seemed routine was meeting at the library. Even now, whenever I'm home that's where we meet.
Anyway, back to the present. We ARE like a puzzle, the pieces fit, its the picture on the pieces that are so different. I'm everything she doesn't need, but she's everything I need. She's the gorgeous picture that doesn't fit with the puzzle. I don't want her to leave everything behind just because I ask, but I don't want her to get offended when I do ask. It was a decision I was having a hard time making. I don't know if its because I didn't want to face the rejection if she said no, or the fact that she was giving up her future if she agreed to come. It seemed that either way was a loss. Either way someone would get hurt, someone would be happy, but someone would be hurt. I didn't want that.
I guess I didn't really have much more time to debate this. I had until tomorrow. We were leaving tonight, flying cross country, and arriving at about 5 in the morning. It will be Sunday. She gets up early so I've been debating different ways for breakfast tomorrow. And at breakfast I would ask her. If I magically find the strength somehow. I had to ask her soon though. Graduation was on Friday. I'm not trying to give her an ultimatum I just want to be with her. Is that such a bad thing? What if she chooses college? Although it's so reasonable and probably the smarter thing for her to do, what would I do? She would be off in a different state while I was in a bunch of them. I'm selfish and I'll admit that, I know I shouldn't be. I mean I trust her, thats not the issue. I want her near me, I want to see her everyday. I'm gratefully to be touring with my brothers, doing what I've always wanted to do, I just never thought a girl would ever make me consider changing everything. Who would? I never thought that someone so special would come along to make me want to change everything I've ever thought I wanted. Does that mean that what I thought I wanted in the first place isn't what I really wanted? I'm so torn and confused. It shouldnt be this hard, this frustrating. And yet, it is. It's everything I've ever wanted, everything contradicting the next, making me more confused that I've ever been. I don't know what to choose, of course I don't.
As for the show tonight, that went well. I was a little controlling in sound check today. I was so stressed about what I was going to decide with Amie that I tried to drown everything out by thinking about the show and ONLY that. I made sure everything was rehearsed. I didnt want something going wrong on stage and become something more that I have to worry about. But now the show was over and we were on our way to the airport. I couldnt sit still. The entire ride there I could feel someones eyes on me. Whether it be my parents, my brothers, Danielle, or maybe even Big Rob; Someone was always looking. I have to admit that at first it was a bit out of annoyance (especially during sound check) but now it was a little bit more about concern. There was an unsettling quiet everywhere I went. In the car, in the airport that should be buzzing with sound, then even ow on the plane. I was nothing but a long stream of sighs and a whole lot of fidgeting, three more hours of it. Three more hour of this long worry and anxious wonder. How do I ask? Should I ask? Where should I ask? What will she say? So many questions and no answers. None, nada, zip, zero.
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1:01Where Do I Go From Here?|| Nick Jonas One Shot ...by TheRealKennaNicole240 views
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