Smoking, Suppression & Standing up Pt. 1

Smoking, Suppressions and Standing Up. 26-Feb-10. Part 1

THE SOLUTION - WHERE ACTIVISM BEGINS:
http://equalmoney.org

WORLD EQUALITY PROCESS:
http://desteniiprocess.com
http://desteni.co.za

MY WEBSITE:
http://annabrixthomsen.com

Hi this is Anna and Im here to talk about my experiences with stopping smoking and how I have used smoking as one tool to completely suppress myself and create a system of suppression within me and how I have been dealing with that since I stopped smoking. So I stopped smoking a month ago and it has been quite a horrible experience in terms of all the stuff that has been coming up, together with stopping smoking. Like... singular experiences or like... individual experiences and emotions has been depression, sadness, anger... desperation and then these two major, general categories almost, that I will call: One is Self-Pity in which all this emotion fall under and the other one is... In a way I can call it anxiety or fear, but its more specific than that, because its a specific experience from when I was a child of being not safe, of being unsafe, of being uncomfortable and not being able to pinpoint whats wrong with the world. An experience of being all alone, of not having any connection... even now as I am speaking, the emotion is coming up, so what Im gonna do is, Im just gonna put... thats the only, the only Solution I have found, at all, so far in all my years of working with myself, is to put my feet on the ground, to feel my feet, to feel, not a connection, but just to feel my feet... and to Breathe. So... and its not a matter of having to meditate or stop talking or anything, just like: Okay, now the emotion is coming up, I stop and then I continue. But this overall feeling of not belonging, of something being off, in the world and in my world and... I mean, Im still in the process of investigating how and to what extend I have suppressed myself and how it has been working, but this feeling, this particular feeling is one that I can see and experience, re-experience, from when I was quite a small child, like 3,4 years old. So okay, so I stopped smoking, while I was in an agreement with Matti and we stopped smoking together and it was like a spontane(ous) decision, but its something that Ive been working with for a while like: Okay, Im gonna stop smoking at some point because Im.... I could see that I was very attached and very committed or dependent on smoking. So I stopped and I was surprised how the part of, actually not smoking, was not as difficult as I had imagined, because its just a matter of not smoking, not smoking and especially when you, if you can keep your environment without cigarettes, its fine. I mean, here where Im living, a lot of people are smoking, most people are smoking, so that was just a matter of... thats just how it is. What I found surprisingly difficult was like I said, all the emotions that came up and I have, since I stopped smoking, several times gone into a mind-possession, mind-fuck, mind-trip that lasted for several days, where I was basically just crying the whole time, feeling sorry for myself the whole time, beginning to get paranoia and I mean, I cannot say with absolute proof that this is caused by me stopping smoking, but its very definitely linked, to this experience.
Part 2 to continue...

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[JeffreyCameronPerry]

Wait, didn't smoking help the dimensional being's experience of self awareness?

[annabrixthomsen]

Yes as Bella said - I started smoking when I was 12 as a way to 'control' and 'cope' with my Reality = suppression. I have done it for so many years that it has become 'a part of me' where I have attached/invested myself, instead of Directing myself Here. Thus it has to fall. It has nothing to do with smoking in itself and other benefits there might be from smoking.

[HiTiLLiDiE602]

like your vidz, i just quited smoking weed after being a allday everyday heavy smoker for 5yrs. thanks for posting this, it gives great courage to me. thanks keep posting you look gorgeous anna

[AndreaRossouw1]

Thanks for sharing this Ann, I think it is very cool to take on such a big point - this is self-forgiveness and self-corrective action in actuality - where your not just talking about stopping patterns,but actually doing it.

[DesteniGeld]

'connected with your subconscious' ?

lol

[deliciousonionsoup]

Thanx, Anna.

[JeffreyCameronPerry]

Ah, I'm very curious of your past. ^.^ May your sheer determination support you,  & keep updating, please!

[KristinaSalas]

I see, and have seen before, how I do use smoking as a tool for suppression and I have attached/defined myself to smoking, and also giving myself excuses as to why I can continue to smoke. One being, 'the dimensional beings smoke to be Here, that's what I'll do' but I see how I am just justifying my attachment and reason for wanting to smoke. Perhaps.. this is one thing I can do to prove to myself, my self will and also to see and deal with what is here. Thanks Anna.

[VlogsBella]

any 'tool' is always equal and one to the 'user'

'creation' is always equal and one to the 'creator'

[RoterMax]

interessting to see Your way stop smoking .. maybe i'll stop smoking also one day .. Now it's not imaginable for me .. it just tastes too good .. and maybe there are some other reasons connected with my Subconscious.