Backstory

The backstory, sorry this took so long.

Category:

Education

Tags:

• adopted
• korean
• backstory
• chris
• awesome
• hi
• want
• to
• go
• korea
• so
• badly

[dinh]

Don't you think she was actually your mom but just didn't want to admit it? Sorry to bring that up. Even if she's in a "bad place", why couldn't she help if she's not your mom. Hope you find what you're looking for. Sometimes when we try to find the answer to something, we get an answer to something else which makes our first quest meaningless. True, your past is cloudy but your future is bright.

[jaeness]

i figured the same thing, but either way at the moment she really doesn't want to be my mom, so it doesn't change much.

[melonbarmonster]

Koreans don't respond to boundaries and rights. They respond to strength and will have to be convinced of your determination, genuineness and persistence. I'm a stranger I know but I would suggest that you steel yourself for this and go to Korea and start demanding some answers before more time passes and memories, records and even people start to pass with the times. Good luck.

[melonbarmonster]

If this is really important to you, you are almost expected to be persistent in contacting this lady in asking her to help you in your search. That can only happen if you go to Korea and work the relevant organizations, surrounding people and situation to find out about where you're from. This is not easy I know but that's how things are in Korea. People are passionate, dramatic, stubborn and heartful. Don't be afraid to push the boundaries.

[mcca59]

=( so sorry to hear of the news. i wish the best for you

[mandashouse]

Sadly because of Korean culture, woman hide the fact that they ever had previous children that they gave up for adoption because they will be shunned by their family and community. So, yes that woman could be your true mother but may need to hide that fact - not because she doesn't love you. I have to assume she is secretly thrilled to know you are alive, well, and think of her!

[melonbarmonster]

The fact that they physically look different from you along with other children teasing them in school will remind them of their adoptedness and often when this fact is denied or never dealt with it could lead to a lot of problems. Being open and loving about the fact they were adopted and from Korea and exposing them to that part of their identity I think helps the children deal with this difficult truth.

[melonbarmonster]

Your children will consider you as their "Mom" but the fact that they are adopted is a blaring fact that you and especially your children will have to accept and deal with.. this includes knowing that you are not their birth mother and that they were abandoned and given up, etc.. These are all facts that will be a tremendously burden for your children to deal with.

[oosnij]

I wholeheartedly agree! This is something you must pursue! You have a right to know and she knows that too. I was wondering how to explain this Korean mentality of pushing boundries but just understand it is part of the culture and you wouldn't be overstepping. Be persistent, even if you must meet her privately. Chances are she really wants to meet you but can't do it without turning her life upside down. Even if this isn't the case, at least you did all you could and would have closure.

[Mimika12]

This topic is very interesting to me because my 2 children were born in Korea and we adopted them at the ages of 3 and 5 months. I NEVER think of them as my 'adopted' children. They are MY children, I would give anything for them, I cannot imagine my life without them, and I want to be able to understand them and help them if they start feeling that pain that many adoptees feel. I am their MOM now, but I do think at times - will they refer to me as their 'adoptive mom' one day?

[Mimika12]

This must be really confusing, really hard for you! Now, I am interested to know who you consider your MOM. I understand that you have a birth mother in Korea, but is she your MOM? Or is it the woman who cared for you all these years?

[melonbarmonster]

Hey dude. There is a good chance that the lady is your birth mom but she is afraid of meeting you because of difficult situations in her life. There could be repercussions with her current family or some other complicated circumstances surrounding her. If she really is telling the truth, she is still the only source of information about your birth mom. As a Korean, culturally you are allowed to be overbearing if the situation allows for it. Koreans are dramatic and reactive in nature.