A Poem in Progress

This is my second draft of a poem in progress. I'm posting it now in case I don't get around to writing a third, fourth, fifth draft, etc.

I want to mention http://www.youtube.com/user/fellowtuber123 here, as an inspiration.

Here's the text of the poem as it stands right now:

Youthful spark and glorious energy:
Like Faraday's spinning machines
With their piercing thorns of pure breath
The power to grant life
The gift of death's cold claw

Youthful sorrow and glorious energy:
React to the pieces of the world
that float out into your vision
Name the colors, trace the currents,
name the eddies of the river

Kick off the rocks through the water,
and feel the firm support of resisting coldness
A swirling, amorphous cloud
It tickles you, touches you as it pulses through the toes,
And you can name each touch.
Around the back of the knee,
over the calves, under thighs,
this body of water is called the River Pliable,
and its second name is Support

like some creature's venom, the bite of the water is a moment
One cold inch of skin protects your core,
And you know a distant, friendly swishing

Youthful spark and glorious energy
Second spring is utterly unlike the first
Subtle changes mean the world
Lost things are forgotten in the bliss of new discovery

Youthful spark and glorious energy
Where will you discover borders
When with lightly floating step
You tread beyond the riding of knowledge?

Youthful spark and glorious energy
What new fires will be set
Kingdoms burn at your passion
Ashes mark your indiscretion

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• poetry
• youth
• aging

[VisionGhostPoet]

I need to come round here more often, that was really very good, I think Naomi has covered all bases of praise and not much can be added to her words. Great stuff!

[Joshbuckler]

Thanks!

[fellowtuber123]

Oh and by the way, nice jacket. ;-)

[Joshbuckler]

Indeed it is a nice jacket.

[0ueer]

I deeply regret the full folder of poetry and general writing that I discarded in the mindset that they no longer represent me.

[0ueer]

"Lost things are forgotten in the bliss of new discovery" just wow man. I know that feeling all too well, I've only been around for 23 years, but everything at this point in time is so wonderful. It is also an amazing feeling when those things are found again, mixed in with the new.

I feel unstoppable when I read that last paragraph.

"Kingdoms burn at your passion

Ashes mark your indiscretion" I'd write that across my bedroom wall, so that I could see it first thing upon waking up.

[Joshbuckler]

You're so right about how important it is to be able to control our own words.

I'd never advocate dis-owning a piece of poetry that you wrote, even if you grow to disagree with it, or dislike it.

But I want to invite the whole world into my poems. Maybe some people will use my words for things I don't agree with. But as long as I've invited the whole world in, there's going to be dissenting opinion as to what I meant. Especially if I'm the kind of poet who likes to use contradictions.

[Joshbuckler]

I can't say that I disagree entirely: you definitely have a point, and a good one.

But I can't resist trying out an alternate simile:

I think poetry is like clothing. You probably wouldn't want to put on someone else's sweaty socks. At least, not every day. But if you spend enough time in a thrift store, you'll find something you can make your own. Also, clothes, like words and phrases, can be altered, mixed, and matched for new effects.

[Joshbuckler]

"I wouldn't change a thing, of course"

I appreciate your praise very much, but a poet can always grow and change. This video, and its accompanying poem, will remain as a mark of where I was on 11 Oct 2009. But as with any work, I would love to see it pulled apart and changed and something new made out of it. Which is exactly what I plan to do, if I don't get preoccupied.