Me, My Mind, and I - My Bipolar Story - Teen Years 1

My story and how bipolar disorder came into my life, how I got where I am now, the evolution of my disorder. In the two Teen Years videos I talk about my first experience with severe depression, suicide attempt, hospitalization, and symptoms of hypomania.

Disclaimer: I have a history of delusional memories - memories that come up but aren't true - and although it has been at least 4 years since this was last known to occur, I am constantly paranoid that every negative memory I have is false. So, mom, if you are watching and hear something that isn't correct, just let me know.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• bipolar
• disorder
• manic
• depression
• depressive
• psychiatric
• psychiatry
• my
• story
• personal
• suicidal
• suicide
• attempt
• ho

[wondeboy12]

Stress is a killer you look terrible :(

I've sufferd with depression spent a couple of years like that, but i got tired of being a misrable fuck & made some changes. Things are pretty good but sleep can sometimes elude me which can make me very fucking cagey, makes me unreasonble & when tired & angry I'd much prefer to vent my anger & frustration. Which often results in conflict......But that attitude is a hard one to live with even if I feel so alive during the conflict.......

[PennyAnn25]

@wondeboy12 I do? Yeah. I ws underweight during this video. It made me look like I had some chronic illness. I seem to go through periods in my life where I become victim to stress & bipolar episodes, increase in social anxiety issues, and I struggle a lot. Then I climb out and end up living a whole new life. Right now I am doing much better than when I made this video & many lives away from when I was a teen. Insomnia is the worst stressor of all, I think.

[wondeboy12]

@PennyAnn25 You look like you just recoverd from a bad case of mono to be honest :(

Insomnia sucks I dont recover from hard training sessions right & being so damn tired also kills my performance more coupled with the other aspects to go with life & what not, but I am sleeping better at least.

[PennyAnn25]

@wondeboy12 That's good news. What do you train? I have to watch my exercise/physical activity. It energizes me and if I do it too close to bedtime I'm hyped up. But if I'm already hyped up, sometimes a brisk walk will relieve some of that.

[Jlee0802]

i would love to know the different places you lived. where did you first seeing signs of the illness (most likely pre-suicide attempt @ 15?) I am doing a research paper and your videos are really helping vs. scientific case studies and psychology textbooks. THANK YOU for opening up your thoughts to the world! anyways, i am starting to research the correlation between states (and their environmental factors) and bipolar disorder. Maybe the drinking water in diff. places? Thanks!

-shamane

[PennyAnn25]

@Jlee0802 I can remember periods in my childhood when I felt overflowing with activiity, pressure of speech & movement, when I just couldn't stop myself. I remember some incidents in which I truly felt out of control of myself & my behavior veered drastically from my normal reserved & quiet. I clearly had episodes of severe low self esteem, depression, paranoia, as a child & had suicidal thoughts at 13. But both my parents were alcoholics, so I can't say that this wasn't the reason for problems

[ixheartxattackk]

Thank you for sharing your story...it helps to hear someone else who went through something similar.

[TheAMANDA614]

ive been looking at youtube videos for about 3 years now, and up until 3 days ago, i never searched for biplar videos, im so glad i did, because penny and the rest of the bipolar gang-lol, make me feel like im truly not alone in this. it makes it easier, just a little, to tell people i have bipolar disorder, just a little. but, these videos are great!

[justin70108]

@PennyAnn25 wondeboy is an ass to be honest

[NinetiesYouth]

you should've smoked cannabis or did shrooms

[TheLilithInMe]

@Element095 You struggle with one disorder & other 15 yr olds struggle with others. There are 15 yr olds dealing with ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, eating disorders, diabetes, Tourrette's, etc. It's not about what's fair, it's about what is reality for you and what you need to do. It probably will suck at times and make you hate it all, but you aren't alone in having to deal with something that impinges on just being a carefree teenager. You just have to work around it best you can or you'll pay later.

[Element095]

I'm 15 years old, and i am VERY bipolar. idk how to deal with it and i really dont want medication for it. i honestly feel like its not fair the i have to be fucked in the brain and other people dont have to be.

[wondeboy12]

@PennyAnn25 ATM I'm just a gym rat, if i can sort my training schedule & school & whatnot (no collegiate wrestling in aus) I'll try to get back into wrestling & BJJ & see where I can go from there.

A good workout will often have me pumped for hours but often I can find a small one can have a similar calming effect.