Gender Neutralizing: Sk8er Person

I woke up the other day with - completely inexplicably - "Sk8er Boi" in my head. I realized that the intro ("He was a boy/She was a girl/Can I make it any more obvious?") is the epitome of heteronormativity. What's fucked up is that I had never questioned those lines when I was a kid. "Yeah, Avril! It couldn't be more obvious! BOY+GIRL=LOVE." And so began the Gender Neutralizing project.

Lyrics:

Zie was a person, and they was a person
Their relationship is not yet obvious
Zie was a punk, and they did ballet
I could probably say more to clarify
Zie wanted them, but they'd never tell
That secretly they wanted hir as well
And all of their friends stuck up their nose
They had a problem with hir baggy clothes

Zie was a sk8er person
They said "See ya later, person!"
Zie wasn't good enough for them
Zie was attractive to them
But their head was up in space
They needed to come back down to Earth

Five years from now
They sits at home
Kinda just doing nothing
They turns on TV
Guess who they sees
Sk8er person rocking on MTV
They calls up their friends
Their friends already know
And they're surprised to see a music video on MTV too
They continues watching TV
Watching hir music video
Watching the person that they turned down!

Zie was a sk8er person
They said "See ya later, person!"
Zie wasn't good enough for them
Now zie is a superstar
Slammin' on hir guitar
Because zie enjoys playing guitar
Zie was a sk8er person
They said "See ya later, person!"
Zie wasn't good enough for them
Now zie is a superstar
Slammin' on hir guitar
Because zie enjoys playing guitar

Sorry, person, but you missed out
Well, tough luck, that person is involved with me now
We have a romantic relationship, and you two do not
I guess that's how things worked out
Too bad that you couldn't see
See the person that person could be
There is more than meets the eye
Like the brain and other internal organs

Zie's just a person, and I'm just a person
Now that I've told you the story, the conclusion's obvious
We are in love, haven't you heard?
Or maybe not, because I don't think I told you yet

I'm romantically involved with the sk8er person
I said, "See ya later, person!
I'll be backstage after the show."
I'll be in the studio
Singing the song zie wrote
About a person zie used to crush on (kinda weird for me, honestly)
I'm romantically involved with the sk8er person
I said, "See ya later, person!
I'll be backstage after the show."
I'll be in the studio
Singing the song zie wrote
About a person zie used to crush on (yeah, definitely weird)

Category:

Music

Tags:

• queer
• gender neutral
• pop
• disidentification

[labpup106]

This was amazing! "And they're surprised to see a music video on MTV too." Had to laugh at that remark. That and the whole concept of the song being a bit awkward. I always thought it was rather strange that this person meant so much to them that they would need to create a song about this when the lyrics make the crush sound mostly insignificant as life goes.

Also I love the gender neutralizing project in general. I wonder- any chance you'll tackle something like "I Wouldn't Be a Man"?

[debaser9779]

@labpup106 Thank you so much! I had never heard of "I Wouldn't Be a Man" until I saw your comment, but I just looked it up and WOW. I'm speechless (and very tempted to give it a re-write). Thanks for the suggestion.

[6medics]

Also changing the word "pretty" was just insulting. Men, women, and people of intersex disorders can be PRETTY. No it doesn't fit everyone because not every SONG fits everyone. Obviously taking a ride on someone's disco stick might not be an asexual's idea of a fun night. So maybe they won't nit pick that song.

[debaser9779]

@6medics First off, I don't think being intersex is a "disorder." I changed the word "pretty" because it is exceptionally gendered, and the idea of this parody was to take a gendered song and make it gender neutral. Making a piece of music that criticizes the total erasure of queerness from mainstream pop is not "heterophobic." Artists are allowed to make whatever music they want, but if it's as heteronormative as this one, they should expect me to parody the fuck out of it.

[debaser9779]

@TheraPissed Actually, many people who use "they" as their personal pronoun prefer "they was" to "they were" because it emphasizes that they are using "they" as a third person singular pronoun as opposed to third person plural. The only time "should" need be used in reference to the deployment of gender neutral pronouns is that other people *should* respect them :)

[killedtv]

My day just got infinitely better. Thank you for being amazing. <3

[ajreyesf13]

Okay. So. I love you.

[sahkkk]

"There is more than meets the eye/Like the brain and other internal organs" made me cackle helplessly.

[SapphicSista]

YES.

[valendez123]

"Too bad that you couldn't see, SEE THE PERSON THAT PERSON COULD BE"

Such a neutral tautology. I love it.

Could THAT be any more obvious?

[lheath89]

@TheMortalEternity That depends what the purpose is. Our purposes are to have fun and make fun of Avril's heteronormativity, so I think we're doing just fine.

[TheMortalEternity]

@lheath89

That kind of defeats the purpose.

[TheMortalEternity]

I think this person has a crush on guitar person. XD Haha

[extmach]

you are the best person i've discovered in a long time, thanks for giving me hope for the world :)