I Will Never Be More Than This - Chapter 1

I stood up, put the toilet seat down and flushed. "That's it Demi, that's the last time." but it won't be the last time. I say it to myself every time I come into the bathroom, get my on my knees, and stick my fingers down my throat. It's never enough. This won't be the last session I have of purging up my food no matter how many times I say it is. I walked over to the sink and brushed my teeth. *Knock Knock* "Hurry the fuck up." My sister, Dallas yelled from the other side of the door. I finished up & walked out. "Why do you always take so long in the bathroom, are you like.. constipated?" She laughed. I hate her. She is always making fun of me. She is one of the main reasons why I have this eating disorder.. She's skinny, tan, gets all the guys she wants.. She is perfect. And I'm.. Well, I'm just Demi. Nothing special here. I grabbed my bag from the kitchen table and ran outside to the bus stop. Today is my first day of becoming a junior, and I'm not nervous at all. I like school, a lot actually. It's away from home, away from drama. It's away from Dallas.. but that's only if I don't have any classes with her. The only downside about this school is that it's new, and I don't know anyone but my sister, who's a senior. We moved from Texas to New Jersey about six months ago because our mom got a new job over here, and the houses are cheaper.. but not by much. I could have made friends if I actually went out this Summer, but all I did was stay home, read, and obsess over my weight. I've been living a lie since freshmen year. No one knows about my disorder, not even my family, and I plan to keep it that way. Why should I get help? I don't want it. I'll only gain a bunch of weight and then I'll have to start all over again. Besides, I'm too fat to be put into treatment, they'll think I'm a joke. 113lbs is a big fat joke..

Sitting in first period, I hear Dallas behind me talking to some girl next to her. Why does she have to be in my class? Can I ever get away from her? In our last school she would talk about me to all her friends and say how I am an "embarrassment" to be around. She loves seeing me miserable, I swear. She's the reason I don't have boyfriends, or even friends. I only had one friend at my old high school and she barely spoke English. I don't even know if I should consider her as a friend.. She only sat with me in the cafeteria.. The school bell rang and it was time for next period, my least favorite class. Lunch. I don't wanna go, I don't want to see food right now. I thought about skipping, but that's not how I want to start off the first day of school. I'll just sit at a table and not eat anything, yeah.

I walked into the lunch room and sat at a table in the way back of the cafeteria where no one else was sitting. I looked around at all the loud students racing to get into to lunch line to try and be the first to get their food. "Such animals" I thought to myself. I went into my bag and got out my diet journal. I write everything I eat in this thing. I had to occupy myself with something, so I looked over everything I ate yesterday. 'A half of a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, 2 carrots sticks for lunch, and toast for dinner.' Eventhough it doesn't seem like much.. I feel like it's going to make me gain 10 pounds. I really hate my life..

"How was school, Honey?" My mom asked me as I walked in the front door with Dallas behind me. "It was o-" I was about to finish my sentence but Dallas interrupted me. "Ahhh-Mazzzing." She squealed and ran upstairs to her room. I let out a sigh and walked to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. I'm fucking starving, and I feel lightheaded. My mom walked in, "What do you and your sister want for dinner tonight?"
Ugh. "I don't know mom, make anything.." I walked out of the kitchen and started walking up the stairs when my mom yelled out "You okay?!" "Yeah.. I'm fine." Fine. A word I use too often. I went into my room, changed into sweats and a long sleeve shirt, and climbed into bed. I'm so tired, maybe if I go to sleep, no one would bother to wake me up for dinner..

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• eating
• disorder
• story
• bulimia
• bulimic
• anorexic
• fanfiction
• demibubble
• depressed
• chapter
• demi
• lovato
• crying
• sad
• life
• suicide
• cutting

[celsixo]

DEMI IS HOTT AND SO IS HER EATING DISORDER, SPREAD DHA LUV ♥

[deliciousgurlbabe]

Omgg!!! Upload more,this is amazing, i love it! :)xxxxx

[CalicoKitteh]

This is so good!!!!

[forevermorezanessa]

You Are Amazing And So Descriptive I Love It :)

[lusohurdler]

It's beautiful :) congrats <3