Desiring Whiteness: Dating and Self Hate

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• black self-hate
• interracial dating
• negro
• whiteness
• black people
• ghetto
• single ladies
• ebonics
• interracial
• dating

[bvelvet63]

Like this video and most times black people talk about "self-hate" isn't a legitimate claim about if someone has a problem with their racial identity--it's just a way of saying, "a black person, to value their identity, must be open to or date their own race." And btw, yes there are blacks who legitimately have brutal experiences from their own race. You can't just call it an excuse as if it's not a legitimate issue or feeling. People make dating choices strategically. That's their right.

[acousticboi]

@bvelvet63 brutal experiences with few or some not all...thats bogus to labels all of us as evil....thas prejudice regardless of those experiences

[DaPrincess007]

@acousticboi True, but after a point, if a person has had enough bad experiences, why should she or he drive themself crazy and limiting themself to only one race? I personally don't believe in"black" love cause the term itself is racist. I didn't know that black love was any more genuine than other ppl's relationships. Since when did love only pertain to black people? 

[acousticboi]

@DaPrincess007 WHAT?? i never said black people should only date/marry/fuck/ other blacks i said they should close off the possibility and just becuz u had a few bad exps doesnt mean alll blk ppl are the worst...and never did i say love only applies to black people come on now...and how is it racist to have different forms of love??? look it up...

[bvelvet63]

I think the term "self hate" is misused. If people say "self hate" when folks say things like "I don't date other black people," then the use of that term is completely wrong. It is ironically racist, as it authorizes one person to speak for another's racial self-concept--as if they know that the "authentic black self" must necessarily be open to dating other black people. That's like saying a short person who only dates tall people doesn't hate themselves.

[acousticboi]

@bvelvet63 Bad analogy....but on to your argument...i am not appealing to the notion of a authentic black self obvi you didnt hear the part of the (1:35) where i discuss this...hands down i think black love is beautiful and to deny the possibility of that is damning for our psyches and the feeling of comfort that some of us need

[DaPrincess007]

@acousticboi Okay cool, I'm glad that you don't have a problem with people dating who they want. But as before, I didn't know love was based on a person's ethnicity. I know not all black people are bad, but regardless, to dismiss someone's continuously bad experiences with other people of their race is wrong in itself.

[DaPrincess007]

@bvelvet63 I agree with this. I'm a black female that doesn't date black men. My family and I all suffered because of black men that have hurt us. We kept on getting hurt and after we found happiness with people who happen to be other races. So thank you for defending us.

[bvelvet63]

@acousticboi For some people--especially black men-- its not just 'some' or 'few' but sometimes MOST. To deny that possibility is illogical, it freaking happens to black men who are trying to survive places like ivy league schools who tell me over and over how MOST so called "sisters" tell them they aren't black enough. You were a great policy debater man, don't pull this ignorant stuff by mislabeling my argument because it's not comfortable to deal with what I'm literally saying.

[bvelvet63]

@acousticboi YOU think black love is beautiful. I agree. But you aren't showing empathy with those people who have honest experiences of being ripped apart by black people in the intimate space. This is esp. true with black kids I've mentored who by their own accord are torn apart by 'sisters' who call them 'gay' and 'white boy' because they don't act like the stereotype. So I defend their right to protect themselves from trauma that you don't take as seriously in 3:20-3:21.

[bvelvet63]

@acousticboi I did pay close attention (as a former black debater, I tend to do that). My problem is with your judgment that people who do not open themselves up to dating black people is "daming to the group's psychology or feeling of comfort for the community." My argument is an individualist one--not a communtarian one that is adopted too damn often. I think it's important for each person--on their own terms--to decide whatever criteria they have for who they are intimately open to.

[bvelvet63]

@acousticboi Never said all. It's a straw man to say that I said "all." I said "THERE ARE" as in, "there exists." You can't act like I'm making a simplistic blanket statement. I'm rejectin gyour overall blanket argument that ALL black people who argue that they do not date within their race are ones who exhibit self hate. I'm actually asking for more nuance in the same way that you assert I'm not doing. I think it's wrong to condemn people who have legit experiences as self-hating.