Yellow Dye No. 5

So there I am, the Starving Artist, micro-budgeting whatever is on sale at the local discount grocers. Yessss, it was that kind of pay week. We all have them every now and then. Well...this was then!

The usual items can be found already sitting at the bottom of my funky little red, store provided plastic basket - mostly side dishes that magically explode into a yummy plethora of chicken-laced noodles & sauce, after spending just several minutes in the bottom of a pot full of water. And there it was...

...a beautiful pyramid of microwavable TV Dinners, for just one dollar each! I dare not say the brand name of insta-meal that captured my amazement (starving artist, after all), but let's just say that I was a Hungry Man that day, so I bought 6 of 'em. Yeppers! Imagine that, six entire meals for less than a pack of smokes. The frozen boxes that these discounted wonders were imprisoned into graced a pictures of very happy families and friends, crowded around plastic, non-biodegradable trays full of meat stuffed fun. Apparently each box says "suggested serving" for a VERY specific reason!

So 15 minutes after I get home I'm able to tear two of them open (did I already mention that I was a Hungry Man at this point?!), nuke them into 20 years from now and blast the suckers down. Now the concept of time at this point has left the room for a little while - but shortly after injesting these not-so-edible impulse purchases, I am lying there watching the third season of the Muppets, rubbing my tummy like a pregnant person coming out of their third tri-mester, when I see the now empty boxes with the very happy families and friends on them, just an arms length away. I grab and read...the ingredients, that is. Never do this!

Read before, or don't read at all. That's the dealio, yo! What transpired that day as a result of this self-induced education session of mine was a harsh recalling from the memory bins of the magic wonders surrounding the loverly process that is mechanically seperating...seperating...well, we'll call it "meat". Yeah, that's it!

Note to self:

If tossing food in the trash that the friendly neighborhood raccoons won't even touch for days at a time, you should thereby evidently manufacture a learning experience that said food should never have taken up any space in the internal hallways that eventually lead to your colon. Or something like that.

In an attempt at turning this sad lump of coal (that being the experience of all of this) into some sort of diamond, as I most always do, I was inclined to author a parody of Lou Bega's "Mambo No. 5". I know, I know...after years of rediculous overplay at most weddings, the tune in question seems to rank right up there with Macarena and the Chicken Dance, err...polka. Whatever.

At the very least, and as always, I hope you enjoy.

Michael

: )
.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Michael
• Giel
• Lou
• Bega
• Mambo
• No.
• Number
• Five
• TV
• Dinner
• Microwavable
• Instant
• Preservative
• Junk
• Food
• Sodium
• Propylene
• Glycol
• MSG
• Mystery
• Meat
• Mono
• Diglycerides
• Dextrose
• Yellow
• Dye
• Parody

[shakygirl2015]

HILARIOUS! EXCELLENT!!! Only ate them once & got sick! WELL DONE!!! BRAVO!!!

[tootawlpawl]

TOTALLY MADE ME HURL!!

Too funny bro... I'm crying, and it hurts to breath; I'm laughing so hard!!

[djs1313131313]

This wwasss AWESOME!!!